Friday, October 31, 2008

Its Chilly

I never thought I'll ever like the coldness of winter but I do today. It's drizzling a lil. and I dont have an umbrella. Cold breeze. Deathly Chill. I enjoy the feeling of icy wind brushes against my cheeks. it gives me a thrill.

**

This is the second time. you are not the one rubbing my hand to keep me warm. Someone else did and I let him to. I didn't even give a second thought.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Very Blue Sky

Last night before goin to bed I was still thinking what if I was given just a Merit. Would I be satisfied. Right now, I'm just. damn. happy. Like over the top of the blue blue sky kinda happy. Distinction!!! Hohohoh. Whats more I'm the only one in my course being awarded a distinction. Hahaha. Sigh. Its so hard to be humble and not brag about it. so let me just do it for once ok. Yes. I know, I'm vain like this.

All the hard work has finally paid off! What was previously stress and all the swearing and rambling and whinning are now a warped kind of excitement!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Leaf Thats Turning Its Colour

I had a dream this morning.

I am in the car, half asleep. Right next to me sits a man. There is music playing in the background. ever so softly, so quiet. my eyes are closed, my limbs are let loosed, every cells in me are savouring this moment of tranquility thats only calming. And there he's, watching me sleep. and den he reaches for my hand, clasps it. It feels good, and it feels right. the warmth of his fingers and mine.

And he's not you. I don't know what makes this dream. Was it the sushi from last night or the coldness of the fall.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Little treat

I finally had my japanese food I've longed for at Little Tokyo tonite. It wasnt the best, not even near, but I'm contented.

I forgot how lovely a night out can be! So relaxing. sooo 20 years old! Candle light, wooden table, fishes, great conversations, lots of laughters, lots of making fun of, mango sorbet and green tea that gives you high!

How could this even be better?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Lil Happiness

Despite being mean and never forget to pick on every dish on the table, he finished everything I made for him, from the drink he dislikes the most to his all time favourite meat. so I'm actually pleased. =))

Tonight is the last night.

I'm glad I made the trip.

**

I found out sth by accident today which choked me for a while. in a good way.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Twelve hours later

Friends said its cool; guys are like dat when they live on their own. Sigh. why la like this. why la do I feel a pinch in my heart knowing that THIS is how he lives his life.

I looked up to the ceiling, the tears shall not wet my cheeks. there's nothing to cry about, innit. but you, you just have to break it for me huh.

This was the morning.

**

I'm angry, fleetingly so. The person you care most is always the one who hurts you most. Dang! It's only one damn download ok!

And now is 12 hours later after the morning episode.

The grown up boy

This is it. I was asked to help. and it makes me feel good. it makes me feel that I'm needed.

Its sad but so true - we always need others to make us feel good.

**

Here I'm, in B'ham, in Trinity House, in bro's apartment. Haven't seen him for almost half a year now, and sheesh, his hair is longer than mine!

and, how could he allow THE HAIR to mess up the bathroom?!! and he never change his bedsheet for like months!! or maybe longer. the funny thing is, I actually rolled up my sleeves to help him clean his place. like, very willingly.

Today is also my first time seeing him havin 'biz talk' with others. its kinda strange...like, gawd, he can actually do that? he has grown up apparently.

Den one of the girl said we look very alike. I cannot stop smiling. =))

Den he let me choose the phone first and actually gave it to me which will never happen if it were 2 years ago.

I'm happy. and it's not bout the phone.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Stop!!

I'm bout to go to bed. but I'm a lil bit disturbed now. Sigh.

Nah, I'm not sad or anything. I'm just. disturbed. I need an earplug. How can yours be melody (well, not literally) while others my nightmare.

Arghhh. It's about to get onto my nerves as I'm typing. Stop it stop it stop it!!!!!

I wanted to talk bout my trips to Yorkshire Dales but I'll probably leave it for the next time, when the time is right. or when I feel like it.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Side Effects of the 30 minutes

I miss you. I really do.

And the yearning for you becomes so intense after the 30 minutes talk we had. It becomes unquenchable. I just want to grab fistfuls of you so badly. To hear all the updates in details and ask all the questions I ever wanted to ask.

Moodiness and You

Lately I find that I'm becoming more antisocial. I only want to talk to certain people. the ones I'm extremely comfortable with.

I dunno if it's me or the person. It seems like I'm always inevitably end up feeling uncomfortable when I have seemingly fantastic conversations with certain people. I dunno whats wrong but the conversation just takes a downturn as if it has reaches its apex and cannot get any better and so it decomposes itself, until I feel almost obliged to end it for fear that the deteriorating discussion will mar the memory of this supposedly fantastic event. Sometimes I'm just so bewildered at how I can suddenly feel so tired. sapped. when I thought we're clicking so well. Den I get annoyed with the people so easily when they start asking questions I deem stupid. or throwing me with the same kinda question everyday I just wish I could shut my ears off so I dont have to answer them but I couldnt so I'm annoyed, again, and start shutting up thing.


Sigh. I want to talk to you. only you.

and then I had a dream just before I woke up to it this morning. in it was you asking me how I was doing in the most intimate way ever. so soft and concerned. I can feel my nerves extending its dendrites from the very pit of my stomach to the tear duct and then the snot duct. I just feel like crying. den I got up, feeling choked. Instead of washing up, I turn on the computer and continue typing where I left of last night. I want this moment to be remembered.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The 5th day

I think it is happening again.

The excitement has just gone down the drain after the 4th day. I'm not exactly annoyed, yet. Not yet. and I hope it won't happen. sigh.

Is it me or every other person? Theres just no one person who can make me feel the way you made me feel.

Why.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Zha Zha Zhu

The room is so quiet. and dark. there's only flickr of candle lights. I'm bathed in a sea of pink bedsheets that smell so nice. the rose and the lilac. The air is still. the world is asleep. All I hear is the sound of trickling brooks and flutters of butterfly wings. theres zha zha zhu in the pit of my stomach.

I'm lying on the right side of the bed, staring at the ceiling. I dont want to turn to the left as yet. I know what is there. I just want to savour this juncture in time. just inhale and soak it all up. My mind is racing, and with every second passes, my pulse climbs higher and higher.

Now I dont dare to move even slightly. I'm afraid that the slightest move will ruin this tranquility. the candles are half melted. I take a long deep breath. I want to caress your cheek, trace your jawlines, brush your eye lashes, touch your lips, kiss your shoulder and melt into you.

But I wont.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Mia

SM has safely delivered a lovely baby girl today!!!! and it just got me sooo excited listening to her child labour experience from the bursting of water bag to the screaming of pain to the contractions and finally the baby's crying.

I was never this excited when my cousin in laws had theirs. and I don have ten thousand questions to ask them. But SM's just got all my nerves kicking, and I couldnt help throwing her all sorts of questions. the anaesthetic, the incision, the stitches, the screaming, the pain that feels like constipation, the breast feeding, the sucking, and all those interesting bits bout the confinement.

It's one helluva of an experience even just listening to it!! scary yet thrilling!!

Welcome, Mia!

Broken glasses

i broke my glasses today. sigh. my cracked lips is hurting me. and i'm taking the pleasure of licking the wound and indulging in the pain as I slowly peel off the dry skin on my thin lips. i found satisfaction as the fresh skin underneath revealed itself. it looks pink now.


my brother doesnt want to tell me stuff, dat upsets me.

Friday, October 3, 2008

All over the place

Planning a trip is such an arduous process! yes. i'm whinning again. i love travelling and goin on road trips. i just don like the bit where i've to browse through the options i have and compare rates and email and call and check for availability. its part of the process i know. so i'm just whinning. i've already booked us in for 3 nites.

Some ppl don't whine as they think there's no point doin that and certainly its not an value added process, my question is what is wrong with whinning if it doesnt do you any harm. and please note that i'm only talking about my kind of whinning. anyways i'm not goin after an answer i'm just typing as my brain talks.

**
not attending classes and not working are turning me into a lazy bummer. i feel like my engine is wearing off. bed is my best company now.

**
I feel I'm a lil all over the place. I'm doin a bit of everything but none are progressing well as I wished. I've to learn to master this art of multi-tasking. and the law of attraction!