nepal.

cashmere.

alchemist.

a kind gesture.

your text.

henderson waves.

blister.

cheekiness.

water fountain.

fullerton.

superhero.

giggles.

closure. 

it has been a wonderful 3 days. everything seems to have changed. and yet it doesnt feel like it. its been 3 years. you are still doing your old tricks like a lil boy. and i still cant do nothing about it other than rolling my eyes at you.  

i'm glad how all these pan out. the midnight talks. so as i thought i'm sharing with you first hand this unexplainable coincidences of the little tea cups and a plant, you have already  secretly had a glimpse of it 5 years ago.

i can't help to wonder what these all mean.

there was

its been such a long while since i last write. or rather, feel my emotion.

there's so much happiness this morning. from the impromptu escapade. the texts. and the remnants of last night call with you. i love how such short conversation always seems drifting across things, never quite getting anywhere, and yet never failed to leave me feeling contented followed with a good night sleep; strangely, it always sounds welcoming, but just doesnt confirm anything. if i'm lucky, i might catch it on a vulnerable night. and it will spill something out of its mouth and onto your soul.

**
there are times where i still wonder the what ifs . there are times where i would construct this false sense of myself that earnestly believed there was a place for me there. but i guess i'll never find out. or perhaps i'm not at all that keen to find out.

looking back at the posts. the pictures. i thought you have been well buried somewhere deep down and never will resurface. but all of these are indicating that i have been and will always think about you, unknowingly. be it when i was happy, or when i was missing some others.

i guess all i want to say is that, i'm still missing you. 

看到了明道 
也想起了你
你们笑起来还真的有像耶
想起了我们一起看钟无颜后的那一段对话
我笑了

好想再看你笑的样子
和那深深的酒窝

how funny is this that the busier i get, the more i think of you.

how are you. 

怎么办
怎么办
怎么办

还是很想你

一次又一次的在想
可以打给你了吗
你会想要和我说话了吗
不想要让你有负担
又不想要一直压抑对你的想念

我该怎么办啦

想念

有好多好多话想和你说
好想好想给你打电话

不知道你心里觉得比较轻松了吗

原来想念也有很多种
平时的想念就只是想
今天的想念里却有揪揪的感觉
有点想掉眼泪但又不知道是为了什么

真的很想你
想你的声音
想你笑的样子
想你爱玩的时候
想你有时傻傻的

你想我了吗

how do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away.

impact of moments.

the vow.

inspired.

bubbles.

light show.

sound of the night.

you. 

我还是相信
其实啊 真的可以试着享受什么事也不用做的片刻
放下武士精神 接受生活上的不确定

情感
并不应该被视为一个会让你停滞不前或软弱的东西
可以感受感觉情感
放开心胸接纳未知
全心全意
诚实诚恳
可以让你有更多的真实刹那
更能自由自在的生活

wasnt at all expecting that you are still the very first person i thought of sharing the satisfying discussion i had with the people today. almost gonna call you and then the hesitation kicks in - how i wish i could just do it and ignore the whispers that were asking me to give you a lil bit more time and space.

i wonder if this is gonna be the way it is from now on - to submit to the mind instead of following the heart.

i can't help but to think what does this mean to honouring the Now.

last evening, i was given a simple thank you with a smile from the person selling me the dumplings. maybe it wasnt just a thank you and a smile, its a full hearted sincere personal thank you that warms my heart. i was pleasantly surprise by such gesture, in the hustle bustle of life where everybody seems to be so distant, reserved and self-centered, i was given a glimpse of pure expression of gratitude.

i might have forgotten who you are as time passes but i will never forget that moment of presence. thank you for giving me the treasured opportunity to rediscover the beauty of life and pure bliss.

喜欢

好喜欢和爸聊天的感觉
喜欢每天都可以从生活中发现小小的乐趣和值得学习的人生哲理

也好喜欢一家人在一起吃饭看电视的感觉
就算没有说话
也觉得很开心

喜欢自己一个人在家时不再觉得无聊
喜欢想你的时候　
就只是想你

想给你的信

看到了一篇文章
里面提到了一些与思想和情感有关的东西
想要和你说说 就写下来了

有时候我在想啊
说谓的负担和愧疚
到底是什么呢
我一直都认为只要是诚实真诚的面对自己和他人
为什么还需要觉得愧疚呢
如果是因为过去的原因
又或者是觉得可能没能达到对未来的一些期许
那更没必要了
就因为了避免负担痛苦而放弃拥有当下
真的就是解决之道吗

我相信你有我还不能了解的原因
其实我还真的挺好奇的
eric 那天也和我分享了他本身的一些故事和观点
让我突然觉得会不会是男人在某些事情上想的都是一样的
怎么都在想如果我不可以给你我觉得你想要的 那就什么都不要开始
怎么会有那么多的如果呢
怎么想的那么远去了呢

不管怎样
我真心希望有一天你能不再觉得对我有所亏欠
也希望它不会遮盖住你真实的感觉

想你的心一直都在
好开心自己可以感受和接受心里面所有的emotion
以前还会觉得有点应付不来那么丰富的情感
现在竟然可以这样自然轻松面对
看着心里所有的情绪变化
让它自由发挥却又不被它控制
觉得有点不可思议
真的觉得不一样了

希望会有那么一天
我可以亲口对你说
发生在我身上的一些变化

dear you,

its been three days since we last communicated. i have been well.

last several months have been rough for you and me. i have had my hurtful moments, i have been happy, i have trapped myself in time, living almost exclusively through memory and anticipation, i have been dissappointed, and i have been hopeful. but i have to say, regardless of the ups and downs, if there is anything i have learned from these, it is that presence is the key to freedom. this is not a new saying - i have been preaching this to others too, but to have truly practising and honoring that present moment is all i ever have is another thing all together.

i am glad that i did not get sucked into the state of unhappiness like i would, i am glad to find small slices of humanity here and there and being inspired by someone's intelligence, willpower or even kookiness. you, are one of the many who have made the biggest impacts on my life and the way i percieve life. i thank you for that. for being a part of my life.

i can't say i'm doing very well now, in terms of my life situations, but i can feel myself morphing into a state that feels natural and welcome. it's new. but it's old, and it's natural. it's a propelling force. and it is an amazing feeling to discover that after much toil and trouble, what i want at the end is what i wanted at the beginning. i have come to realise that it is the quality of my consciousness at this moment that determines the future.

i have to admit i'm still thinking about you everyday； the urge to want to share with you my story remains unchanged. i dont want to try to forget what i truly feel for you. thoughts might lie, but emotions and feelings never lie. for some reasons, as i confronted my emotions, cherish and embrace these present moments of missings, i feel liberated.

定

慧

无意间在家里的小茶杯上看到了这两个字 并排在一起
心里起了一阵悸动 我想起了你 也想起了我们

我了解你的选择 我了解这个时候的你需要有自己一个人的空间去处理心里上的负担
我知道你这么做是为了我好 我也知道你是下定了决心
我说过我会支持你的决定
我说过我会好好的过
但是 我好想你 我真的好想你

原来真正爱一个人是可以放手的
是可以很单纯的只是喜欢他 希望他好
不期望一定要在一起

原来真正爱一个人不会因为分开而觉得难过
不会因为不能够联系而伤心
只会很庆幸的觉得这样也好
只要他可以开心自由
就够了

我会好好的照顾自己 不让你为我担心
我会好好的享受当下
然后在有机会的时候和你分享
我会好好的珍惜对你的感情
好好的把它放在心里 直道我们再相遇

after all, nothing seems to have changed. is it true that time and distance have made us too complacent with our current state, or is it true that our affection has slowly eluded us, or have i been pushing a lil too hard wanting to remain true to myself and keeping the harmony in place.

so often i want to surge forward and adapt to the curveballs that the environment throws at me, and i want to make the best out of the present. but it is sooo difficult and exhausting and it hurts, it hurts so much at the end to realise that i'm the only person who's trying to fight the odds and fix things. i wish sometimes that i could enjoy more this process of doing and undoing, but i can't stop myself from being over-analytical about the entire process. am i doing it right? have i gone too far and beyond? is there something i should be aware of or avoiding? have i digressed from the initial intention? is this the best for you and for us too? can i still support myself to doing all this?

i guess i really ought to learn how much to care. over-caring seems like a liability that's not welcomed in the relationship.

something that strike a chord with me:

相愛的人要懂得珍惜

聽來一個這樣的故事：有位男子邀請了幾位朋友來家裏做客，男子抽煙一支又一支。她的妻子輕輕地打開了窗戶，沒有言語。有一朋友悄悄問那妻子，你怎麼不阻止他抽煙呢？抽煙有害身體呀。那妻子笑了笑，說，對他來說，抽煙是快樂的，如果他能活八十歲，我寧願他快樂地生活六十年，而不願意他不快樂地多活二十年。這話讓那男子知道了，他便戒掉了煙。朋友問他為何能這麼容易地戒掉了煙，他說，我有這麼好的老婆，我為什麼要選擇少活二十年呢？

愛，是心靈與心靈的相知，它可以不要太多的語言來粉飾。真正相愛的人，會毫不計較地為情感付出，唯一的期盼只是對方的疼惜；真正相愛的人，會處處時時牽掛著對方，給他（她）以關懷體貼；真正相愛的人，一個動作，一個眼神，都能心領神會，那份相知的默契勝卻一切物質帶來的歡悅。

愛，是一種平等的相處，一種自然的情感延續，它需要一份彼此的理解與尊重。如果僅有一方的付出，愛便會失去正確的方向，甚至發展成畸形，最終塗上悲哀的色彩。有些情感從一開始便走入誤區，因為愛而傾心付出。久而久之養成的習慣令有些人覺得擁有對方的關愛是理所應當的。所以他不再感動，更不會以同樣的關愛來回報對方。

愛，是一種美麗卻又易逝的曇花，只有用心來澆灌，才能開出芬芳的花朵。劉若英在《後來》有一句歌詞唱得極好，有些人，一旦錯過就不再。在我們歎息“得到的不珍惜，失去方知其寶貴”的同時，晏殊在《浣溪沙》裏那句“不如憐取眼前人”是否給我們深刻的啟迪呢？生活的瑣屑，常常會令我們忽略自己的愛人，我們總會找許多的理由來為自己辯解、開脫。有些人，甚至做出傷害情感的行為，同時擁有多份情感，還美其名曰：喜新不厭舊。

愛，不是等價交換，它沒有公平的籌碼，但它卻宛如一架天平，兩端的砝碼不等，便會傾斜，差得太大時，便會失去重心。有人在婚姻的圍城裏，過得很累，筋疲力盡，但責任與道義感的存在，他們依舊毅然地支撐下去；有人在婚姻裏真正找到了溫馨幸福的歸屬，也許他們的生活並不很富裕，但卻擁有最寶貴的財富——發自內心的快樂。

真正愛一個人，是可以無私的付出，但愛又是具有排它性的，從這個角度說，愛也是自私的。重情重義的人，是不可能同時愛著兩個人的。人的一生，可以愛多個人，但那絕不會是在同一個階段。因為種種原因，不同的階段，也許會有不同的情感，只要我們用心對待，就能無怨無悔。生活可以是枯燥的，也可以是生動有趣的，就取決於我們對待人生的態度。

愛就像一串珠子，斷了一處，珠子就會依次掉滿一地。細心地呵護，珠子就會燦然發光；漫不經心，珠子就會散落無形。就如故事中的講到的男子一樣，如果他不用心去領悟妻子的一番愛意，那麼他是不會去戒掉自己鍾愛的煙的。

其實幸福很簡單，有語云：婚姻需要經營。的確，善於經營者，便會收穫幸福；不善於經營者，得到的只能是苦澀的青果。而這經營婚姻的精髓就是雙方互相的懂得。唯有懂得，愛更能情意綿綿；唯有懂得，愛更添溫馨無限；唯有懂得，愛方能經歷彌新！愛，需要懂得，懂得關心，懂得體貼，懂得一切為愛而應該付出的所有。

Thank You

thank you.

thank you for wanting to do the best for me.

thank you for running around just to get the best for me.

thank you for constantly reminding me how fortunate and blessed i am to have you.

thank you for giving me a loving family.

thank you again and i cant never say enough of it.

Note to Self

note to self: i'm not gonna let myself to be emotionally affected by you. i'm not gonna have my tears shed because of you. not ever again.

i'm gonna learn to let go. learn to let go of the memories that have trapped me inside this whole emotional mess. learn to let go of all the heart-fluttering talks and roses tinted plans of having a future together.

there's enough of tears shed, enough of heart breaking moments. enough of attachment to you like this that only breaks me. and enough of holding on to the expiry dates.

dear sunshine, thank you for smiling back at me.

dear foliage, thank you for turning into my favourite fall colour.

dear post, thank you for reminding me to feel again.

and dear you, thank you for saying goodnite to me.

LDR

she remembers an article that was shared by him some long time ago when things were all flowers and hearts; and she remembers exactly how it had made her smile as she was reading through the lines.

love conquers all, and that distance means nothing other than a challenge - she had always believed in that. how could she have forgotten all this and the faith she once had in herself, him and them. how could she?

so what if you get hurt? so what if its not meant to be? at least you're lucky before. and i'm glad that i was reminded the once upon a time.

異地戀其實很幸福
有許多人不同意，畢竟分隔兩地，不能照顧依偎著對方，心裡的失落總是有的罷。 但是很多異地戀的人確實是幸福的，比任何人都幸福。

兩個人能整天膩在一起，固然很幸福，他們很少會寂寞，但是也很少有綿長的思念。思念本身就是一種最大的幸福，記得自來也大人曾經對名人說，思念你的人就是你的歸處。

擁有異地戀的人是幸運的，因為你擁有了一個願意和你一起堅持努力的人，你擁有了一顆能和你有著相同執著和夢想的心，你擁有了一份強烈到有勇氣挑戰可惡的距離的愛，這難道不是一種幸福嗎？

每當一個人靜靜的時候，想到有一個人和你一樣在堅守這如此脆弱的愛情，那種溫暖，不是異地戀的人是無法體會的，那是一種心靈無聲的溝通，是無條件的信賴。茫茫人海中，能找到這樣一個無條件信賴自己的人，這難道不是一種幸福嗎？

兩個人常常在一起，難免會大意，他們常常會一起吃飯，一起逛街，一起上課，但是卻常常忽略了心靈上的溝通。對於一份真正的愛情，溝通才是最重要的，它能保 持愛情的新鮮感，能讓對方了解現在愛著的是怎樣的一個人。只有了解了對方，愛情裡才不會有誤解， 才不會有錯失了的愛情。所以，異地戀的人有了愛情的優勢，他們很久都見不了面，有了心事，有了難過就在電話裡傾訴，他們的每一次交談都相當於一次交心，因 為彼此都能了解對方的想念，所以，在他們之間很少有了誤會，彼此都懂得了諒解，懂得了寬容。這難道不是一種幸福嗎？

甜言蜜語也算的愛情的潤滑劑吧，沒有一對戀人可以有像異地戀人那樣擁有繁多的機會說甜言蜜語，每次電話裡，總是無意中會說一些“想你”“等你”“愛你”， 即使話不多的人也一樣會說，因為彼此愛著，因為目前只有“語言”這樣一種工具可以表達自己的心情，因為愛的表達，其實都單一。所以，能堅持異地戀的人都是 深切的愛著的，這樣的愛在時間的河流里平淡卻激烈，我想這是所有人都會羨慕的愛。擁有著這樣的愛的你，難道不幸福嗎？

在愛情裡我最不怕的就是距離，只要真正愛著，終歸是能在一起。是啊，距離在那麼深切的愛里算什麼？什麼也不是。如果你們因為異地戀就輕易分手了，千萬不要 把罪過怪在距離上，你應該慶幸，自己離開了的一個並不真正愛你的人，因為在愛的面前，距離真的什麼也不是。所以,如果你的愛人也在遙遠的地方，不要覺得寂 寞，不要覺得委屈，要慶幸，你用寂寞和思念換來了一份真正的愛，那是別人求之不得的愛。

its one of those nights again. she has been trying to shovel off that disquite feelings within her, but it just keeps coming back to haunt her. what is wrong here. could it be the song? what was the conversation about? where was the affection? where was the cool? where did this estrangement come from?

there was a lot of talking in her head. there was a lot of pinging and ponging back and forth. and there was a lot of unanswered questions. she is scared. she is nervous about the sobriety with which she is approaching these things. she was afraid that things are going to go out of hand. she is afraid she might have sealed the deal. but in many ways, it is a very liberating fear.

at times like this, how she wished that...he would be able to take the distraught off her. but perhaps, she should stop being silly.

honestly, why does she care.