Till I read hers, I only realised dat since last year May a small part of myself is always living in a closed-up state. buttoned, as how she puts it. I'm more cautious now in all new relationships with people and this cautiousness makes me build an invisible wall unconsciously I don't even see it to everyone who wants to get closer.
I'd always been the one telling my friends that there's no need to be afraid of getting hurt. and that it's stupid to fear for the 'if' and I'll never be in such situation. I have to eat my words now.
I've been hurt. and I'm scared to revise the feeling of having my heart breaking into pieces. I'm scared to have to look into that open wound once again and be left alone to see it bleeds. I'm scared to even think bout what if it's just all in vain when I've put myself so far out there, giving and loving. I'm just scared that I'm the only one who wants to love and the person I love will let my love slips away. It scares me how we all have the ability to break others heart when the person has handed us his/her heart and ask us not to break it. So I withdraw. I hold back. It's sad, but it's true.
but today, I want to tell myself to let it loose and lets be brave.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Mom's B'day
Today's my mom's b'day. and I was a bit geram!! angry with why the card I posted home is missing in action. its been two weeks, everyone else had gotten my gift except my parents! why la like this! sigh. =(
She can only look at the picture of the card I made for her now.
I'll be more geram if I din take a shot of the card.
She can only look at the picture of the card I made for her now.
I'll be more geram if I din take a shot of the card.Friday, August 1, 2008
August
I want a lot of things. but it doesnt seem like I can have all I want the same time. I'm in a pool of uncertainties now. Its already August.
A friend of mine once told me that I think too much. I disagreed with him. I like asking questions, but I was never really serious bout getting an answer. Whys are always difficult to answer. I might have always been on the wanting-to-think-mode, but I never went any deeper. and thats my problem. I become fickle with my emotions, my feelings. the moment plays a big part in influencing my thoughts.
Sometimes I make progress and I honestly believe that I am moving forward, getting closer to what I thought I wanted, but then there are nights when I am alone in my room, feeling so repressed and sharply bout the big chunck of empty space in the puzzle I was building. and den all my initial stands fall apart into a shameful pile. I sleep. I wake up. and I find myself back at square one, rebuilding the puzzle...
I still believe, but theres an invisible slit slowly showing its appearance.
A friend of mine once told me that I think too much. I disagreed with him. I like asking questions, but I was never really serious bout getting an answer. Whys are always difficult to answer. I might have always been on the wanting-to-think-mode, but I never went any deeper. and thats my problem. I become fickle with my emotions, my feelings. the moment plays a big part in influencing my thoughts.
Sometimes I make progress and I honestly believe that I am moving forward, getting closer to what I thought I wanted, but then there are nights when I am alone in my room, feeling so repressed and sharply bout the big chunck of empty space in the puzzle I was building. and den all my initial stands fall apart into a shameful pile. I sleep. I wake up. and I find myself back at square one, rebuilding the puzzle...
I still believe, but theres an invisible slit slowly showing its appearance.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The Difference
Sometimes, people just respond a bit strangely. Yesterday, I see how politeness loses its charm. Nothing was wrong, it just takes all the fun out of something that should be light-hearted, giggly and happy. So I was a little bit angry, a little bit wistful, a little bit happy, a little bit sad.
Today, I was given two words.
Hit the wokeh and buh-bye button, and I'm all yours.
Today, I was given two words.
Hit the wokeh and buh-bye button, and I'm all yours.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Leak
There are like thousand things running on my mind now. All the bits and pieces. random. no ordering. no relevance. It's like the leak in my bathroom. no matter how hard I tried to tighten the tap, it is still leaking. It needs a plumber. I need a joker.
I'm extremely tired. maybe becoz of the period. but i couldn't get into sleep.
And everyone else is sleeping.
I'm extremely tired. maybe becoz of the period. but i couldn't get into sleep.
And everyone else is sleeping.
I'm so
Damn grrrrrr.
I'm not asking for a thank you! So polite for what! Make me feel so argggggggggggh and want to punch you so you can gimme a lil more expression!
Stupid. Why am I still having expectation!
I'm not asking for a thank you! So polite for what! Make me feel so argggggggggggh and want to punch you so you can gimme a lil more expression!
Stupid. Why am I still having expectation!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
lil thing that made me happy
Just one minute ago I was feeling all so spiritless. Grey.
Den I saw the picture of you indulging yourself in the luxury 5 stars hotel, wearing a white bath robe sitting on the couch acting as if you're the boss with that ever-so-stupid-punch-me-face expression!! Hahaha. I burst out laughing immediately. Why la you have to look so funny in the picture. =p
You've done a good job! tell me, how can I not like poking you. We must be good friends forever and ever and ever and ever and you will keep that funniest side of you which has never failed to make me laugh till we age ok.
Den I saw the picture of you indulging yourself in the luxury 5 stars hotel, wearing a white bath robe sitting on the couch acting as if you're the boss with that ever-so-stupid-punch-me-face expression!! Hahaha. I burst out laughing immediately. Why la you have to look so funny in the picture. =p
You've done a good job! tell me, how can I not like poking you. We must be good friends forever and ever and ever and ever and you will keep that funniest side of you which has never failed to make me laugh till we age ok.
Its not about the lemon
What makes you think that I'm a nice person. and don't act as if we're very close friends. we're not!
I'm not always right. I can't expect you to think like me. But please respect when I say what I say. There's no such thing as 'can-la, it's only bla bla bla'. That's mine. not yours. You borrow, you return.
The truth is, there are many layers of friends. Be it it's me who've self-categorised them, or they just happen to fall into the respective layers, please don't expect me to treat everyone the same. I don't like you, it's all written on my face. Complacency and always assume your friend is ok with your action and behaviour are not a good idea. Watch for the boundaries.
I'm not always right. I can't expect you to think like me. But please respect when I say what I say. There's no such thing as 'can-la, it's only bla bla bla'. That's mine. not yours. You borrow, you return.
The truth is, there are many layers of friends. Be it it's me who've self-categorised them, or they just happen to fall into the respective layers, please don't expect me to treat everyone the same. I don't like you, it's all written on my face. Complacency and always assume your friend is ok with your action and behaviour are not a good idea. Watch for the boundaries.
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