Tuna Sandwich & Green Tea

I'm glad that I dropped by your place today. To have someone sharing the same perspective and caring for the same thing is indeed very soothing.

I dont have to brush my cheeks against the sheets and sigh my nights away tonite.

and hey, thats not even a pebble that I stumbled upon, innit.

Time, Space and Home

Luck has never been on my side and I always have to do a bit more to get what I want. like how the exact same thing others did was always granted with good outcome, but when it comes to me, all I was given was a 180 degrees ride so to make my life more 'challenging'!

Its always the space and the timing HUH. Same piece of paper, different time, and there we go. da bomb. Just when I think I've provided the answer that feels it's right for the case, little do I know that the answer I will eventually arrive at the desk is wrong. that last variable. that damn last variable.

Today, I was once again hit by a turn i never expected was there. Cursing, and seeking for some familiar voices, I called home. Dad was a bit worried the moment he heard me and thought sth big must had happenend. Heh. its so funny to think of it now. Then, he started feeding me the comfort I needed so badly. and the suggestion for some travelling and shopping for the bag I wanted but din get it coz it was too pricey were so very consoling. Skipped away the analysis bit, nothing beats the fact that he understands exactly how and why I was feeling that way and said its OK to submit to such emotions. After dat, mom shared with me sth funny she encountered today and by the end of the conversation, I was all smiling. the pressure I constantly add onto myself was gone for a bit. ahhh, there is just so much love within the walls of my home. Despite claiming I'm a very independent person, I've realised just how dependent I have always been on my family. I constantly need someone to draw strength from, and I'm glad I have you. The magic you played on me. everytime we talk, it feels like everything in the world is in their rightful place and all is calm. and everything feels just. right.

I think I have the coolest and bestest parents ever. I'm not cloistered. I'm never stifled. and I will never say this enough - I've the bestest and loveliest and coolest dad and mom, the coolest thing to ever happen to me.

Yes. I do have time to spare.

The Day After

It could have been better.

It will.

Make it work.

New Year

Tonite, the beginning of 2009, there were no parties, no drinking, no dancing, only 2friends, a couch and some orange juice.

**

Family's gone back, friends left here for good, and I'm in this room staring at the four walls again. The train episodes, the jostling and elbowing at every single shop in london, the sleeping together, the kodak moments, the teasing of each other in the past 20 days are now a collection of memories.

I really wish that this year would be better and I do not need to reminisce to keep my soul alive.

Strangeland

I want to do a lot of things, like build a snowman outside my house, watch the carol service, the gigs, explore the alleys, go to Manchester just to have dimsum and come back, read a book in a cafe, visit the country market, stroll along the river, learn to make mince pies, dress up to the club, dance with the music, cycle to the village, go fishing, but now that I've all the time in the world, I choose to rot.

Den I said to myself, thats coz the company is not there. All these are a moments thing. I want to do it with someone I love, someone who understands my analogies and giggles with me, someone who knows how I'm feeling when I'm confused.

These days I don understand the way I feel anymore. What I think will make me happy no longer does. There seems to be no highs and lows, and yet I'm not immune to the slightest swirl in the puddles of water.

And they say, it's all in the head.

Connection

I want to. but I dont know if I should. in the end, I wasted all the time pinging ponging back and forth and what Im left with now is, I'm alone sitting here staring at the four walls.

There is a sinister somberness in the room.

How long more should I wait.

Winter Snow

The falling snow.

This time last year I was so excited watching it falling merciless over me, the white snow flakes, the icy sensation on the face, and those lil puff I made as I breathe; i've always liked walking in the snow, the cold dreary wintry day somehow seemed a bit less gloomy when everything in sight are blanketed with snow. There were those dreams.

Today, for some unknown reasons, I feel numb. Emotionally and physiologically.

view from my room

The Gorgeous

I'm once again, in love. The moment I layed my eyes on you, I know it straight away that you're the one. The one I've been searching for. Everything feels just right when you're held so closely to my heart. The resonance. Do you not hear the call.

Sigh.

I never want to be greedy. I just wish you could let me hold you in my hand to walk out that door this afternoon.

Shopper Monogram Etoile

Call Lane

That little lane I used to walk pass every now and then has turned from a golden yellow to pale grey. Cold. and its the kind that hurts. Winter seems to have crept upon us. The forecast says its minus one today.

I have this frustrating urge to see that wooden floor again. and the orange paper lamp.

Thursday morning

Listening to Eason Chan's.

Saw the message.

Talking to you.

and the colour has just turned blue.

**

How. How could we see the lie under the mask.