Bond and Bonding

its a mystery how we fall in love, who we fall in love with, why we fall in love, but we do.

life is a vacuum cleaner. it sucks.

what is that. advantages dread of loss?

Why

we always walk into heartbreaking things, or slip into them. just yesterday, i was brought into this whole emotional swirl. apparently i cant always trust my instincts.

i didnt admit how i truly felt in the first place. i was sitting there popping pills of denial while she broke the news just because i want to feel close to happiness. but really, i didnt like to know about it. i didnt like the sound of it. not even a tiny bit. its not the most pleasing thing to hear bout, especially when i was already planning to give it benefits of doubt, but the sad truth is its all making sense now, the timing seemed to fit in well, what was confusing then was made clear, and god damn it that breaks me.

oh well. my own idyllic wishes, thinking that things would be the same like before. why would you do this to me. why would you show me glimpses and then took it away. i have no blood left for this fever.

audio food - kindly unspoken by kate voegele

Little Letters

dear white crisp shirt,
thank you for taking me down the memory lane.

dear yellow leaves,
you make me fall in love.

dear curly angel,
thank you for being kind.

dear unspoken words,
what do i do with you.

dear rose tinted glass,
thank you for dressing up the trails.

dear closet,
someday i'll own a complete set of you. someday.

dear stranger in red,
thank you for making it easier.

dear sugar lips,
i look forward to seeing you soon.

Hang on

the roots are still there. it just takes time.

Over the lemon tea

60 billion people in the world, and all you need is 1.

What's truth. How many version of truth can you have.

Benefit of Doubts

should i give you the benefit of doubts.

In a Nutshell

september's a crazy month. so many things have changed. yet so many things remained the same. sometimes i really do wish i could document every single bits of my life so i will never forget the things, the people, the encounters, that make me who i am today.

i am still on page 93 since march, that march. i was almost like a fish out of water a month ago. thought i have made friends but apparently not, thought i stood a good chance of getting it but aparently it's just my delusion, thought it was all sincere gestures but apparently everything's just a facade. you know R, sometimes i think you are quite right. it's so funny how i once ardently disagreed with you when you said things like friendships never last, that there is no one we can truly rely on for help or support, but i guess i see now where all these are coming from.

things are still not quite where i want it to be, but i'm holding on very well, no more moaning, no more sulking, just walkin the thoughts and filling the gaps in that part of my brain where giggles once bubbled up from. and i am just very very very grateful to have met so many other people who have no obligation to help to care or be kind but did.

thankyou.

i'll find it.

Stolen

and i still fucking miss havin you around me!

give me a glass of calmness, will ya.

Kindness

nice people do exist.

yesterday, i tasted a cocktail of kindness, equality, and the utmost warmth. we only just got acquainted.
the day before yesterday, i was given all the help i didnt ask for just coz the staff there thought i looked confused. i know what i want i was just being indecisive.

but thank you.

Wonder

all those maybe 'special moments'
all those kisses, hugs, warmth, given and received.
i wonder what do they all mean.
do they all have expiry date.
what last. what doesnt.
i wonder what more we'll have.
i wonder why sex doesnt mean anything anymore these days.
what do we do when its all over.
all the archived relationships. memories. hard drive. memory cards.
the passionate love vs conditioned.
the regularity vs the non-.

whose next. whats next. if the next's the last.