Strangeland

I want to do a lot of things, like build a snowman outside my house, watch the carol service, the gigs, explore the alleys, go to Manchester just to have dimsum and come back, read a book in a cafe, visit the country market, stroll along the river, learn to make mince pies, dress up to the club, dance with the music, cycle to the village, go fishing, but now that I've all the time in the world, I choose to rot.

Den I said to myself, thats coz the company is not there. All these are a moments thing. I want to do it with someone I love, someone who understands my analogies and giggles with me, someone who knows how I'm feeling when I'm confused.

These days I don understand the way I feel anymore. What I think will make me happy no longer does. There seems to be no highs and lows, and yet I'm not immune to the slightest swirl in the puddles of water.

And they say, it's all in the head.

Connection

I want to. but I dont know if I should. in the end, I wasted all the time pinging ponging back and forth and what Im left with now is, I'm alone sitting here staring at the four walls.

There is a sinister somberness in the room.

How long more should I wait.

Winter Snow

The falling snow.

This time last year I was so excited watching it falling merciless over me, the white snow flakes, the icy sensation on the face, and those lil puff I made as I breathe; i've always liked walking in the snow, the cold dreary wintry day somehow seemed a bit less gloomy when everything in sight are blanketed with snow. There were those dreams.

Today, for some unknown reasons, I feel numb. Emotionally and physiologically.

view from my room