Way Back Into Love

Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on!

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

[Chorus]All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it true without a way back into love.
Oooooh.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

[Chorus]All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!
Oooooooh, Ooooooh, Ooooooh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

[Chorus]All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!
Oooooooh. Oooooooh. Ooooooooh. Oooooooh. Ooooooh Ooooooooh. Ooooooooh.

Me is listening to this song now.
Me is in need of inspiration.

Missing...

Missing. That missing piece is still with him.

So much it leaves a hole in her heart, takes a layer off her skin. It leaves her raw and open, always waiting, eternally sensitive to the slightest intimation that may be near.

Even in her sleep, she's not immune.

Viennese Whirl

Am goin classical today.

Music really does soothe one's soul. Today's performance was marvellous! Bravo! Why on earth did I not go to any orchestra back then? Coz the good ones are always expensive back home! Duh.

But now, hehe, I shall start takin the advantage of being a student here. Can you imagine, all the concert, opera, orchestra, play in town hall costs only a freaking 5 pounds for students under 26! And the seats are fantastic! They are all front seats. Front. Seats.

Even better was that there wasnt anyone in front of us! Everywhere else was occupied except the seats in front of us! Say, aint that jus awesome?!

And Allan Clayton has a very typical english smile, which sweeps my feet off, so totally! *blush*. He's cute! I was staring at him. Literally. Well, not like he will notice. Everyone stares at him.

We have:-

Suppé - Morning, Noon and Night in Vienna
Johann Strauss II - Wine, Women and Song
Mozart - Die Zauberflöte: Dies Bildnis ist bezaubernd schön
Lehár - Paganini: Girls were made to love and kiss
Johann Strauss II - Annen Polk
Johann Strauss II - Excursion Train Polka
Richard Strauss - Der Rosenkavalier: waltzes
Johann Strauss II - Thunder and Lightning Polka
Johann Strauss II - Tales from the Vienna Woods
Adam - Oh Holy Night
Lehár - The Land of Smiles: You are my heart’s delight
Josef Strauss - Sphärenklänge
Josef Strauss - Jockey Polka
Josef Strauss - Emancipated Woman Polka
Eduard Strauss - Mit Extrapost J
Johann Strauss II - On the Beautiful Blue Danube

I was brought back to a time where the princess and her prince are dancing in swirls, ever so happily. Then I had the face of the princess and prince drawn of me and you. It's different, it doesn't have the fairy tale's feel. Neither it is graceful. The image was jus, funny. Funny in a cute way. I can't do that swirl or swing biz, but I knew I was smiling.

If only we get a chance to do a ballroom dancing together.

Frustration

Time like this makes me miss you even more.

How can joy turn into sadness, in a blink of an eye?

I am frustrated at myself for my inability to make things more pleasant. I am frustrated that I am letting such trivial emo stuff dominate my thoughts. Deeply, I know that this frustration stems from a combination of a myriad reasons that are invisible to the naked eye.

Meanie

I'm being mean again.

And I'm seriously feeling bad about it. Silent treatment; sometimes it can be more hurting than all the nasty harsh words. And I know exactly how it feels to be the receiving end of such treatment. It sucks. And, really, nobody deserves to be treated this way. Yet, I'm doin it. Again and again.

Why couldn't I say it out so direct what bothers me? Why have I submitted myself to behave this way knowing I'll regret later.

Not feeling comfortable. Not anymore. I can see it so clearly that I'm taking a step backward, more than a step. I'm shutting the door, my door. I'm being defensive. It's no longer an action under control, more like a reflex action that just snaps. Auto-pilot, is that what it is. Like how it's in Click, it happens just way too fast before I could refrain myself from being in that tone.

Do I even know what to do to right it? Perhaps.

The roses again and me smelling so good

And, my room looks so much cosy and nicer now with the roses! =p.

Marks & Spencer's body cream moisturizer blended with a harmony of jasmine, lily, orange and sublte musk smells sooo good, on meeeeeeeee!!! It's such a tantalizing aroma! I realised I keep smelling myself after applying it after shower. Gosh. I jus loooooooooove myself so much now!

And. If only you're here.

Roses, that made me smile

I'm a lil happy now. So I decided not to be too lazy. Ok. no. I'm very very happy now. So I decided to do a lil trimming for the roses I jus received instead of letting them be all so bushy with the leaves, and takin a few shots of it. And now I'm at my desk, writing. I promise I'll do some reading after this.

Roses, can be one of my movtivation too. =))

I don't have a vase with me, and trying to be green this time, =p, I'm implementing this recycling biz. Ha. I'm kinda proud of myself now. I'm using the pasta bottle as my vase. It doesn't look too bad at all, does it? Hehe.

Orange-y roses. It does make me smile looking at it. First time receiving orange-y roses. It's really sweet of you, thank you sooo very much. =))

Here's a close-up look. Say, it looks nice. I don't know why, but the focusing biz worked only once with more than 10 times of trying. Hmph.

White roses, pink roses, dark red roses, and now I've orange-y roses. When am I goin to get blue roses, black roses, yellow roses, purple roses? I'm not being greedy, am I? =p

I'm smiling now.

Ok. Lets get back to work. =))

Lazy bum

The laziness in me is kickin in again. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarh.

Shopping does wear me out. The worst is that I've only managed to spent 30 pounds after one day's of hard work, with my feet in pain now.

Heh. At least I bought something I reaaaaally like. =p Wanna take a pic and put it up here, but again, I'm jus feeling soo lazy I don't even want to get out of my nice warm bed. Yea. I'm doin all my work and typing on the bed. And then fallin asleep.

And I soo wanted to put up the picture of my christmas eve dinner and den christmas dinner too. Looks like it's either goin to be delayed or never happen. The latter is more likely to be the case.

Tell me, why am I such a lazy bum these days?! I have 2 weeks left to finish up my 4 assigments and study for another 4 subjects. Russ russ, I need a dose of your meaness now. I'm being too complacent with my current state.

OK. I've a conclusion. Christmas is a festive that make people like me a lazy arse.

Girls being girls

Haven't done this for ages, and it certainly was a lot of fun. =p Us, playin with our new toy!

Ying Zi and Hiromi getting all ready to dirty the pallete.

This is Ying Zi's first time. She's really stayin focused huh! =) And she's soo cute for being extremely careful when raping the colours coz she din want the powder and all the glittery stuff lyin all over. So delicate!

Hiromi doin her eyes. She's the best among all. And I like the colour she put on her eyes!

and thats Meee putting on the blusher. The trick is, smile first and feel your cheek bone, den only apply. That's what I was told. =p

Now with the lip gloss. Yum Yum. And I think I really should do sth to my hair now! OK. I'm starting to be vain. Who cares?! =p

Ta-daa. The next top model. Keke. Please don't puke. Ok ok. I think I'm jus acting really stupid. Blek.

Why do I look sooo awkward? Ok. I think Hiromi can be the next top model. =) I needa learn how to post in a err better way.

Girls. And we're proud to be girls! What would you be thinkin if guys were to do something like that?!

p/s: I think I want to take up a professional make-up course. And do a part time. Hehe.

Friends oh friends

I don't know why but I'm in this cant-stop-smiling-state. =)))

There're really no obvious reasons for me to be this elated. But I am.

So I started to think, what made me happy today, at this very moment.

1) Hiromi told me that there'll be fireworks display at the Millenium Square this New Year knowing how big a sucker of fireworks I am. I shouted OMFG in extreme joy!

2) Talkin to Wee Yee always made me laugh. What's more with him in the all red one piece uniform, that sort which the coool manly plumber always wears in movie. Gosh. He's sooo cute! in a funny way. Haha.

3) The thought of playin with our new pinky toy tomorrow with Ying Zi and Hiromi jus gives me this acute excitement! Its goin to be a day with colours. Hohoho. I can't wait to see the product of it.

4) Tang Tang's sooo sweet sending me the pic of him and SM immediately when I told him how much I miss seeing faces of my cool buddies.

Friends. Awww. My friends are such a lovely bunch! How can I live without them? How is my life goin to be meaningful without them? How can I share all my happiness and tears if it's without them? How?

All my love and hugz to all of you!

p/s: hugs. Big bear hug. it is the most wonderful and precious thing in the world.

Candle Light

Candle light. The soft, flickering light, the light of love and passion. It's a moment of romance, softening the darkness.

The touch of warmth,
the glowing hope and love,
and the delicious aroma,
only tantalizes and tempts my heart,
beckoning me towards you.

p/s: Ok. Me, you've gotta stop immersing yourself in this romance thingy. He's not here. Not anymore.

Did I not mention I bought some pink candles with the scent of cyprus rose? Ok. It doesn't look pink in this photo, but it's really in pink. Purplelish pink. Hmm, maybe I should get a candle holder. and some glass beads. and more candles. pillar candles.

pp/s: and I'm glad that my camera can actually capture the candle light. Not pro, but I think it's good enough, heh, with my sucky skill in photography. I should start learning. =p

OMG!! I'm sooo loving Boots!

OMG, I'm sooo loving Boots in Christmas!!!

Shopping really does make one happy! Soo happy that I have to take a picture of all the pretty stuff I bought and put them here! =p

Awww, tell me, ain't this gorgeous? right? right? Its sooo pinky and cute and girly and me! Ok. Maybe not soo me, but it's certainly something I should have. =p I love the colour! It matches my bedsheet. And I tell you, the content inside is even better! What do you think it is?!

Ta-daaa. Ain't this brilliant?! And it costs only a freaking 8 pounds! 8 pounds only eh!

This will go to the host. =(. I sooo wanted to keep it to myself. Candles, oh candles. And they are glittery candles! Soo chrismassy! 3 pounds. Ain't it jus dirt cheap?! Damn. Why didn't I think of buying two? Arggghh.

This will go as well. =((. Can I ask the lucky chap who get this gift during the gift exhange to let me have the casing and he/she has what's inside? 5 pounds. What do you expect?

And, I didn't even need to pay for that 5 pounds. Haha. Which is the coolest thing! Lalala. The match and mix 3 for 2 biz always work. Doesnt it? Well, it certainly works on me. The tip is, be smart, always grab your friends to buy with you!

There are soo many more christmas gifts with absolutely awesome packaging and wrapping in Boots in the price range of 5 to 30 pounds. I love all those that come with a bag and pretty casing! Awwww. Tell me, how can I not be attracted to them when they're all so nicely packaged?! Yea. I'm a total sucker of pretty stuff. Especially they are all my fav bodycare stuff, cosmetics, hair stuff. T.H.E G.I.R.L. S.T.U.F.F. I'm soo definitely goin back. On boxing day! Lets pray all that I want will be discounted then. =p If not, I will bring my camera with me.

I'm reaaally happy now! And I need more money now! =p

Christmas oh Christmas

The Christmas deco's in the shopping complexes are sooooooo awesomely beautiful!

It's kinda strange that I've never really paid attention to them when I was home and only now I want to see more, and take pictures of and with it. Hmm. Human nature huh, when you don't have it you want it even more.

It's very different here as there aint many big shopping complexes, small shops don't do as much decos and they're only ordinary. We have shopping streets though. =p So, really there aint nothing fantabulous to check out other than the street deco and lightings. Where's all the excitement? Where's all the chrismassy stuff?

I'll be missing the fireworks and countdown! I've been searching high and low for information on how Leeds celebrates New Year's eve and it's so disappointing that I didn't get much out of the search. And no, fireworks display is not even mentioned. Countdown has to be accompanied by fireworks. No?

Was just talking to Hiromi the other day on how we normally wrap up the year. I've always spent my Christmas and New Year's eve with my family, if not close friends and a lot of eating and drinking and get high, in spirit (hehe), and last but not least, fireworks and lots of hugging. It's always a loud, merry and people festive celebration.

Awww. I'm starting to miss the Christmas and New Year celebration back home now. With my folks and crayzee sisters and friends and fireworks and the warmth. I like a white christmas but apparently its not goin to happen here, most people have gone back to thier home or travelling, why am I stuck here with the books? Awww. Sheesssh. I'm expecting a quite peaceful (nicely put) christmas and new year this year, but not thiiiiiiiis quiet eh!

Moments of Bliss

Today's a wonderful day. =)) I'm happy. Really happy. Jus when I was in between the utter misery, sickness, frustration and feeling dislocated, I was sent these things from heaven.

The sky still looks grey but when you look at it again, that shades of the blue-ish greyness are somewhat, not that grey anymore.

The voices from home. Never had I enjoyed so much listening to the complaints from my lovely sisters, and the teasing at each others with some wicked laughters behind the drops, and mum's never changing reminder suddenly was turned into some nice tune.

And jus as when I was doin my routine, I was text to check my email that I am invited for the first round interview! That really boosted my adrenaline flow! Which den followed with a greeting from a good friend from US! And then a facebook message telling me how she has enjoyed talking with me. And another friend said he'll get me the movie 200 hundred pounds lady which jus days ago he was being such a meanie.

And you.

I like how our conversation went this morning. I like the fact that you talked to your cuz about me. I like the fact that you said you might want to come here for a visit, whether or not it's goin to be materialized, I jus like the thought of it. I like the way you crapped and came up with some nonsense reasons why you think I'm always falling sick, which of coz I ardently disagreed. I like how you show your concern over me and family. I like the way you put a smile on my face. I, like the softness in you today.

The emptiness I felt is replaced with a moment of bliss.

Randomness 2

I want to go Prague and Budapest!

Haunted

It's at night, again. And the cough is coming back to haunt me.

All the lonely, miserable, tired, empty feelings are expanding their territories and eating my senses, bit by bit, slowly diffusing yet so conspicuously prominent. Suddenly, everything jus becomes stagnant. Its like the curve of saturation. The feeling of emptiness has reached its saturation point and there's only so much one can feel.

The ultimate state of desolation. There's where I am now.

Emotionally aimless. Cold.

Ok. I don't even know what I'm talking about now.

The smile in the mirror is jus looking so pathetic.

The future

One world, one people. Would this be happening in the future?

How's the world goin to be like in the next 100 years? or 500 years? or 1000 years?

Are the people then goin to have superior genes where everyone is genius and everyone is goin to look cool?

Would the people then experience a life we now see in the movie, with everything automated, remote controlled, flying cars, and you can be present anywhere anytime you want.


Hmm. I think I must be toxicated by the stupid cough and started thinkin nonsense.

Annoyed again!

Annoyed annoyed annoyed!

Harlo?!! Please don't cross the border! I'm not freakin obligated to ASK you to come along. So stop bugging me with that sorta stupid question! I don't even feel like talkin! What's more to share! And remember, I don't even give a damn with your goings, so please step out of my way!

Distance. Privacy. Learn that please!



Ok. I know I shouldn't sound this mad and defensive over this trivial lil thing. PHeww. Calm down. Probably I should learn not to be soo mean sometimes. Sigh.

Cliches

Every all out struggle we wage is a cause for becoming an unbeatable champion.

We must never be complacent.

A person who has known defeat becomes stronger.

Unspeakable

I'm feeling utterly miserable and sick now. The cough is really getting me and I wonder if I'll cough my lungs out the next second. The fact that I can't control this coughing biz freaks me out a lil. I was literally standing in front of the basin for a good 3 mins, afraid that I'll throw up anytime bcoz the cough didn't want to stop. It just went on and on, pushin my limits. I couldn't even speak, my eyes're redden, filled with tears, and it's so painful inside. I look soo horrible now, and exhausted. I don't want to be tortured like this! Pleaseee, go away! =(

Why am I not recovering yet? Awwwwww. Shhheeesh. Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn. Medicine. Why aint you doin something?

He didn't reply

He, didn't reply. Not even with a bye.

She, was disappointed.

Randomness

Glitters

Candles

Level 7

DJ

Clark Quay

Pork Chop Noodle

Perdana View

Hoogarden

Rawang

Gen 2

The Curve

Door

Angel

Toes

Guitar

Cinneleisure

Fireworks

EZ link

Laundry

Parkview

Jurlique

Cinema

KK

Black

1am

Aeroline

813

Dark Blue

Penang

Ale

Palm-Oleo

Soo much of..

Havin read what's been goin on lately with my home country, I jus feel a lil sad.

Whats with all these laws?

Whats with all these detainment goin on non stop?

Whats with all these scandals?

How am I goin to tell my international friends Malaysia is indeed a democratic peaceful country full of potential who cares for her people? Malaysia is but the ruler makes her neither.

How am I not be embarassed with all the ridiculous senseless statements made by the ministers which is no more than a laughing stock?

So much of fairness, responsibility and self belief.

I hate this!

Head is heavy, throat is hurting, body is burning, toes are freezing.

And I feel like fainting.

Is there more to come?

His Sigh...

'you are not taking care of yourself, haiiiih.' he sighed deeply, after knowing she's down with a fever.

That worried-ness in his tone, touched her a little. She knows that he still cares for her. Feeling weak, she gave him a smile of assurance that she's fine. Her feet was no longer cold, it's replaced with the warmth from him. He always rubbed her feet and hands so gently with his rough hands she's in love with when she's feeling cold, she remembers. All the time.

'get some rest and drink more water, k?', he said it so softly before he left.

Tears, was rolling down her cheeks. Not because she's sad. There was dancing in her mind, the memory of him and his love.

Again, she's trapped in his web.

Cold

Shivering. I'm sitting on my bed, bundled up heavily with a 13 tog duvet, with the heater on and windows, door closed, why am I still feeling so cold? where is all the warmth??

Worse is that my body is aching all over since I got up this mornin'. A slight touch on my skin creates nothin but a burning and tingly sensation; as if there are a million needles poking me. I feel so lethargic, I couldnt even keep myself standing. No mood, I jus wish to soak myself inside a 37C water bath, to get rid of the freezing toes and numb my senses.

Am I down with something? Ohhh please, noooo!

Why why why?

Why am I still soo annoyed?

I don't understand. How could the same question asked by two different people be treated so differently? I know I shouldn't have sounded soo nasty and cold, but heck. I just couldn't seem to bring myself to be nice and talkin happily when I was indeed irritated, jus to show that lil courtesy and manner.

It wasn't like this before. I used to be able to handle all these stupid questions and lame jokes with a passing smile or even cracking it. How could the change be soo drastic and suddenly turned into something which irk me soo much?

People-people interaction. What a tricky lil thing.

I'm starting to wonder, is havin double or even triple-standard reallly that awful? We practice it all the time anyway everywhere. Even our government does that, which really is something I personally think is unacceptable.

Yet. I'm now doin it myself. Arggghhh.

Surreal

It's soo surreal.

'Alo', he said.

'Mornin', she replied, looking up for a second to meet his eyes.

It was there; they both knew it. She would have walked to him the moment she saw him and pulled herself to him. Holding her tightly, he would have kissed her, with all the passion and longing that he held in. She would have wrapped her arms around him and returned the kiss with all the denial and want she had inside her.

But, that was just a fantasy. Something to look forward to someday. Someday.

'How's everything? How long are you stayin this time?' he asked.

'If I say, till the holidays is finished, would you still take me to dinner?' she questioned as a bright smile flooded her face.

'Eh? Heh. It's a date, we have.' The small smile on his face turned into a degree of seriousness.

She nodded her head slowly, as she looked down into her lap. She twisted her fingers together. She's swooned all over.

She knew he's staring at her. That burning gazing of his; her heart is racing, the butterffly effect in her stomach is making her flush. She turned her face around swiftly towards him, catching his stare and seeing his face moving forward. She unconsciously licked her pinkish red lips, knowing, expecting, wanting what she knew was coming.

His lips finally touched hers. The amount of relief and emotion that washed over both of them was neither ever felt before, yet it was so familiar. It's been a long while, for both of them.

She could feel her heart beating loudly as she placed her hand on his face. The soft graze of his lips with hers, suckling slightly before running his tongue along her bottom lips, gave her a shudder. She's overwhelmed with the taste and sensations. Submitting to his request, with her eyes closed, she opened her mouth as he dipped his tongue inside, touching, tasting, caressing. She could feel his hand tighten on her waist as she kissed him gently one more time...and one more time...

When...

When a girl is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a girl is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a girl answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a girl stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a girl wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says " I love you " ... she means it.
When a girl says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Liked this, very much, and here with some of my add-ons...

When a girl turns her back to you ... she is waiting for your hug.
When a girl lays her gentles kisses on your eyelids, your nose, your cheeks, your lips ... nothing in the world is more precious than you.
And when a girl says 'I'm leaving' ... she is waiting to hear you say 'please stay'.

Say yoooo

Hey yooooo. Am done!! All done! Hohoho....

All the sad depressing songs suddenly have turned into some happy cheerful songs. Weird.

Hehehe.

Hyper State

GOshhhhh! I'm in a hyper state now and I can't concentrate on wrapping up my esssay! What I really want now is to do nothing, but spread this hyper-ness to all my other friends. Haha, Yea, that's exactly what I've done!! and man. How can all my friends be thiiiiiis lovely and cute?!! I'm sooo loving them!

I don't remember takin any ecstacy last nite, why am I soooo bouncy and ecstatic? Hmmmm

Holidays are jus around the corner.....lalala

Happy Happy Happy!!

HOhohoho, I'm sooooo hyper now!

Nothing beats having the presentation out of my mind our my way out of my laptop!!! Yes, yes, I know, I know. It's only one lil presentation, and it worth only a freakin 10%.

Can't stop smiling now. I feel like I'm flying. Hehehe. lalala....And I'm sooo excited bout tonite's x'mas party. Hope it's a good one, to celebrate assignment no more for this week! Yea, it's only for this week. I still have another 4 to due after x'mas. But wat the heck. Party comes first now!

Everything feels soooo good and right. Talkin to an old friend, and man, I'm just sooo happy now! Happy Happy Happy!

2 more days, and off we go, kissing the semester goodbye!

Truth and justice are no longer Malaysian way

Stumbled upon this piece of article, of how Malaysia is in the eye of others.

Truth and justice are no longer Malaysian way
By Michael Backman
The Age, November 21, 2007

THE Government of Australia will probably change hands this weekend. There will be no arrests, no tear gas and no water cannons. The Government of John Howard will leave office, the Opposition will form a government and everyone will accept the verdict.

For this, every Australian can feel justifiably proud. This playing by the rules is what has made Australia rich and a good place in which to invest. It is a country to which people want to migrate; not leave.

Now consider Malaysia. The weekend before last, up to 40,000 Malaysians took to the streets in Kuala Lumpur to protest peacefully against the judiciary's lack of independence, electoral fraud, corruption and a controlled media.

In response, they were threatened by the Prime Minister, called monkeys by his powerful son-in-law, and blasted with water cannons and tear gas. And yet the vast majority of Malaysians do not want a change of government. All they want is for their government to govern better.

Both Malaysia and Australia have a rule of law that's based on the English system. Both started out as colonies of Britain. So why is Malaysia getting it so wrong now?

Malaysia's Government hates feedback. Dissent is regarded as dangerous, rather than a product of diversity. And like the wicked witch so ugly that she can't stand mirrors, the Government of Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi controls the media so that it doesn't have to see its own reflection.

Demonstrations are typically banned. But what every Malaysian should know is that in Britain, Australia and other modern countries, when people wish to demonstrate, the police typically clear the way and make sure no one gets hurt. The streets belong to the people. And the police, like the politicians, are their servants. It is not the other way around.

But increasingly in Malaysia, Malaysians are being denied a voice — especially young people.

Section 15 of Malaysia's Universities and University Colleges Act states that no student shall be a member of or in any manner associate with any society, political party, trade union or any other organisation, body or group of people whatsoever, be it in or outside Malaysia, unless it is approved in advance and in writing by the vice-chancellor.Nor can any student express or do anything that may be construed as expressing support, sympathy or opposition to any political party or union. Breaking this law can lead to a fine, a jail term or both.The judiciary as a source of independent viewpoints has been squashed. The previous prime minister, Mahathir Mohamad, did many good things for Malaysia, but his firing of the Lord President (chief justice) and two other Supreme Court judges in 1988 was an unmitigated disaster. Since then, what passes for a judiciary in Malaysia has been an utter disgrace and the Government knows it.

Several years ago, Daim Zainuddin, the country's then powerful finance minister, told me that judges in Malaysia were a bunch of idiots. Of course we want them to be biased, he told me, but not that biased.

Rarely do government ministers need to telephone a judge and demand this or that verdict because the judges are so in tune with the Government's desires that they automatically do the Government's beckoning.

Just how appalling Malaysia's judiciary has become was made clear in recent weeks with the circulation of a video clip showing a senior lawyer assuring someone by telephone that he will lobby the Government to have him made Lord President of the Supreme Court because he had been loyal to the Government. That someone is believed to have been Ahmad Fairuz Abdul Halim, who did in fact become Lord President.

A protest march organised by the Malaysian Bar Council was staged in response to this, and corruption among the judiciary in general. But the mainstream Malaysian media barely covered the march even though up to 2000 Bar Council members were taking part. Reportedly, the Prime Minister's office instructed editors to play down the event.

Instead of a free media, independent judges and open public debate, Malaysians are given stunts — the world's tallest building and most recently, a Malaysian cosmonaut. Essentially, they are given the play things of modernity but not modernity itself.

Many senior Malays are absolutely despairing at the direction of their country today. But with the media tightly controlled they have no way of getting their views out to their fellow countrymen. This means that most Malaysians falsely assume that the Malay elite is unified when it comes to the country's direction.

Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah, a former finance minister and today still a member of the Government, told me several weeks ago in Kuala Lumpur that he could see no reason why today Malaysia could not have a completely free media, a completely independent judiciary and that corrupt ministers and other officials should be publicly exposed and humiliated.

According to Tengku Razaleigh, all of the institutions designed to make Malaysia's Government accountable and honest have been dismantled or neutered.

It didn't need to be like this. Malaysia is not North Korea or Indonesia. It is something quite different. Its legal system is based on British codes. Coupled with traditional Malay culture, which is one of the world's most hospitable, decent and gentle cultures, Malaysia has the cultural and historical underpinnings to become one of Asia's most civilised, rules-based, successful societies.

Instead, Malaysia's Government is incrementally wasting Malaysia's inheritance.

And this is sooo ironic! What's more with the latest Hindraf issue. What has the government got themselves into?

Art of Living

Was reading the art of living during my breakfast this morning. There's a story on it - short, inspiring and real. And it keeps me ponder for a while. A long while indeed and I didn't even touch on my essay!

Yea. Why not jus perceive death as a period of rest, like a rejuvenating sleep that follows the strivings and exertions of the day? Our lives are indeed, eternal; that cycles of individual life and death are repeated without cease.

The magnitude of the disaster so we called just had gotta be met with even greater faith.

There are many reasons why we bid farewell to one another. It may be difficult indeed not to look back. The deep scars within one's heart may not heal quickly. Yet, nothing is more vital than to continue advancing. We just gotta move on, cutting through the clouds in our heart, even a step. There's nothing more than to make the best out of everything we do, be it in a relationship or for our career, and appreciate every min thats given to us. I've heard this so many more times, and it sounded so trite and bromidic to me when the wound is not on me, when it's not my heart which needs to be healed. I have even blurted them out on occasions just to realise how futile those phrases may sound to my friends who are goin through pain staking moment, but they're so freaking true!

It's only when you've experienced the pain and sorrow in life that you can understand cliches, are in fact the essence of life, which has the power to transform the most deeply established flow of negative energy into motivation.

To let go, is never easy. I still bemoan for my thoughtless act, for the separation that I've to accept, for how I've not made things right in the past. But, I’ve learnt a lot of things - painful things that hurt me - things that make me grow nonetheless.

Cliched piece of wisdom. They are everywhere, in every breath of air. And they are no alient to anyone.

There...

What am I lookin for? Sometimes, I just can't help to wonder, where has the old me gone? The old me who is only confident, loves to laugh, with no complications. Simplicity, has it left and disappear?

And the opened wound cut, I don't even dare to look at it if it has reconcealed itself.

It's 4am, drizzling, the wind chill's seeping through the slit of the window, kissing my cheeks. I'm tired. Tiredness has kicked in ages ago, but I jus couldn't sleep, I don't want to sleep, I am experiencing an extremely heightened state of consciousness. How ironic! But yes, that is so. I've been askin myself umpteenth times, why the heck am I not in bed now? Why the heck am I still stayin online aimlessly browsing thru God knows what, what the heck am I waiting for?

Talkin to you aint helping much in obliviating the state I'm in now (I don't even know myself what state I'm talkin bout), and that's kinda scary to realise. Since when things have changed? Or has it?

'It's already 4am. Go and sleep.' That's the fourth time you said that in 1.5 hours.

Am, still looking for something.

*hugz*, there you go. You finally gave me one, the emoticon I once used to send you.

Tears, rolling down agaisnt my freezing cheeks.

There, a company, is what I'm deniably craving for.

Move on...

What right have I to grieve, who have not ceased to wonder?

I've to admit, she's a strong girl. And how could I beee sooo weak to tear over the phone when I was supposed to cheer her up?! Sheeesh.

Her telling me that she's alright and all in her definite yet fragile tone of voice, made my heart wrenched. She's holding up.

'I've to move on... Andrew wants me to be strong, and so I have to'

Time is always the best medicine to heal. It has to be. It better be.

My utmost sincere blessings for you, my dear friend.

If only...

I have always love surprises. But this time round, it's jus way too much, to even comprehend.

If only we could turn back time,
If only we could seize the day,
If only.

You'll be remembered, my dear friend, forever.

p/s: it's really time to move on with my writings.

Sadness to Motivation

My smile has been playin hide and seek with me. That pent up mixed emotions of sadness, angst, annoyance and frustration are eating away all the goods in me, exactly like how the pathogens attacking my cells. Quick and infectious.

Cleaning up. Yeaa, my heart, my brain, my cells need a thorough cleansing. I have always liked to see the peeling off of the old layer skin cells jus to look at that anew, pinky flesh beneath it, it is such a cutie, isn't it? How possibly could I forget to reveal its freshness and sweetness every now and then? How could I let it constantly buried with all the yuckie stuff that know only to rot?

Life is short. And that undiluted truth, is always presenting itself in the most coy of manner, during the most vulnerable of times. I aint not goin to be defeated by it.

No more blubbing, no more sulkiness, they should be kept with the sadness in that shell.

Heart

Stayed up late again last nite, checking my heart.

It's as bloody as it is and is beating healthily, lub-dub, lub-dub....but out there, there's one person who can't even hear his own heart. Worried. I'm worried for the news to come. Wed is jus couple of hours away and could we all accept the fact if it doesnt turn out well?

Couldn't focus on my writing anymore. Mood needs to be elevated. It's been locked in the cage unhealthily, waiting to be taken care of.

'Alo, why are you not sleeping yet?'

lub-dub-dub, lub-dub-dub. Was it you?! was it you babyee? Just I was soo disappointed with myself for the past few days of not being able to keep up with my stand on you and again (I wonder how many times this have already happend) thought of jus heck it, you and the amorphous act of you, I find myself helplessly drawning towards you, and yes, again. Your alo made me happy for a while, being sulky doesnt suit me.

That sadness in me, found itself a shell.

Prayer

Shocked. I was all stunned when I read this message from a friend:

'Just a short note. You may have heard but just in case not, [name erased] collpased and he is in intensive care. The specialists are coming in on Weds to determine if he is brain dead and if its time to switch off the ventilator. Its very sudden....'

Why! Why is this happening?!! All of us were havin a great time in Bangkok last year this time, and I seriously can't believe this is happening! Why him?!! He's still soooo young and have got soooo much more to do and getting marry with her is already in the plan. To be declared as brain dead, that's the most horrible thing to say!

I'm really worried for her now, if at all she can handle it.

Pray for him, pray for his family, pray for her. Pray that he can pull over and win the battle and change the perceptions of the doctors! Please, our prayers please be heard. That's all I can do now. Sheeesh, I wish I could be home now and do what I can.

It's sooo difficult to digest the news.

Reality. Truth. It's sooo cruel!

Silently, it's fading away...

The urge of stayin up late jus to have a word from you has silently, faded. Or is it playing hide and seek? Sighh. I was pretty confident the past few nites and could say yay, you're now out of mind, until last nite when we had a girl talk in my room... The Japanese girls are lovely! Saaya is sooo cute and I can't stop liking her.

Shouldn't have talked bout you and the past soo much. Shouldn't have read the emails. But I know, if there's turning back, I'll still talk bout you as much, and read the emails whenever I'm thinkin of you. Even thou I know the effect of it is I'll be brought down, again and again. That inconsistency of your response and act, sigh..you know it too well my weakest link.

They say, November is never a Sweet November, but a month of depression. I used to believe it was indeed a sweet month when I was with you. Sigh. Gone were the days. Yet, I'm reluctant to conform and agree it's a depressing month. That's not me. I cry, but I move on! I still have got tonnes to acheive. And you, will serve as a reminder. The best reminder.

Silently, it's fading away; but, there's a word called rekindle.

Pause, and ponder

That chain of reaction.

Reading the post, brings my memory back on how I'd responded when my friend told me his mum's just passed away. I was helpless myself too, not knowing what to say at that point in time, not knowing how and what should/can I do. Stupidly, I asked the same question as how Nicole did, 'are you OK?' And after that, there's an uncomfortable pause between the conversation. Should I remain silent? Should I say, don't worry, everything is goin to fine? Should I talk about sth unrelated to distract him? Should I sound cheeky so to not further dampen his mood? But, nothing sounds rite.

It's part of the life, we all know. But, that emotional torture one has to go through, is painful, piercingly painful. And it eats you away. It's way too much to be taken on by oneself and shoulder it without support. I would have collapsed. I couldn't even bear that sudden hit of sadness jus thinkin if I were in his shoes. I don't like the 'if' now.

Seeing dad's slowly turning greysih hair and ageing skins everytime I'm home, had never failed to bring a lump to my throat. What have I achieved thus far? Why am I still depending on them sooo much to move on with my life? Why have I not been able to lighten their burden? Why have I not been able to say to them, it's time to retire and enjoy your life now? Why have I not showed my full potential and make them proud? Why am I still making them worry for me? Why have I never made enough effort to spend more time with them when I can? Why have I been taking things for granted as though I have awful lot of time?

I ain't no superwoman, let me have the blessing to get closer to the door of success. I want to see only smiles and no frowns in my parent's face; I want to see them relax and do what they want to do instead of running up and down to satisfy our needs; I want to bring out the best of myself in return of their endless unconditional love and support. I want to provide them with the luxury to go on holidays whenever they feel like with no constraints. I want to be able to provide supports, in any form should the needs arise, rather than being a parasite.

It's love, that makes one a better man.

This is a tie that will never break. It's neither replacable.

This is such a disgrace...Sigh

Is the Malaysian government never goin to learn to be more professional and ethical in handling problems? What's more this is a legal case, a case between two countries (i.e. Singapore and Malaysia) on who should be given ownership of Pedra Branca or Pulau Batu Puteh? See Simply Jean for more details.

'We represent the people!', our very famous quote by the government. Can I say, I would rather you not, not this way?! You've just pushed us closer to the graveyard!

I simply just don't understand how on earth the government could come up with such a lame defence to present the case- using a picture adopted from a BLOG ?!! (question, is this all the resources we have?!! this is sooo ironic!). More interestingly, plagarism is spotted (by Simply Jean). Sighhh.

On another note, as reported here, instead of focussing on presentating persuasive legal aruguments with factual issues, Malaysia had resorted to make a series of unfounded political statments and insinuations against Singapore. How professional Malaysia is heh?!

Malu-nya, you have made us feel!

Ewwww, that lil surprise!

Was on my way walking to uni this afternoon, and thank goodness I'd my eyes on the walkway and not otherwise. If not, I'd have probably stepped on that icky underwear with that disgusting pad on it! Somemore it's an extra size underwear! Ewwwwwwwww!! Yucks!! Sheessh!!

And I just aint goin to describe what's on that pad! It's jus sooo gross! How on earth could someone throw such a thing on the road?

*puke*

Grey...

It's grey, so grey out there that I jus wish to be tugged in bed and be cuddled.

Why did it feel soo differently today? Or perhaps, what on earth is goin on with me?!

Extrapolation. That's what it's about. Worse thing is, it's an extrapolation that shouldn't exist; for it creates only disappointment.

Weather. It's amazing how strong an influence it has on one's mood.

To Give Up or Not?

To maintain, is never an easy task.

And since it's such a hard chore, should we still hold on to it? How long can we do that?

It's givin you a hard time and you're suffering mentally, emotionally and physically from havin to keep things on your toes, and you know you'll be happier if you're to give up, then why not just give up?

It's simple. Givin up will never give one the ultimate true happiness.

Everything comes with a price. The process of perserverance nonetheless is a pain in the ass, a painful act of dignity, but the happiness you're assured in return is of a different level.

Nothing doesn't work. It only doesn't work the way you want it to be!

Allow yourself to grow from there rather than shut it off totally. That's why we are called the human being.

Human beings reflect upon themselves!

My assignment. Argh!

2 days of not doin any work. Arghhh.

And I just wanna rant a lil. And waste even more time. =p

Discipline, discipline. Where has my discipline gone?

The German Christmas Market

Here we go, the annual German Christmas Market in the city center of Leeds. And yes, all the stall owners are German.

Sausages, and more sausages. That's a real huge griller.

Mary-go-round. I don't even remember I had this when I was younger. Awww, where's my childhood?

She sings, love is in the air.....=p

And, we tried the longest sausage, thin and long. Kekeke.

My Japanese friend, Saaya. Aint' she cute? =p I think she's! And I really like this picture!



Awww, aint thaat catepillar cute?

Is she looking angry at me? =p

Candle holders. Christmas like candle holders! Hmm, thought of gettin one for you, but will see. Hehe. I've got a month to go back for it. =p

Crystal Salt.

Colours. They do wonders, dont they?

Was soo tempted to get one of this.....If only I aint a student and am loaded with cash. =p

Oh btw, I bought a new nose stud from the market. How could I not remember to take a picture of it. Hmmm. =p

Mosaic Art and Craft in Leeds

Went to the Mosaic Art and Craft in the city which runs every second sunday of a month. Was expectin to see a big one, but heh, seems like it is deviating a lil. Small, maybe about 15 stalls there're, but I liked the feel of it - its not too commercialize. And you're guaranteed that everything is authentic.

They even have people playing music....Jazz. It's a very relaxing day out!

Is?

Is tryin to be fair, whenever is possible, not a right thing to do?

Is drawing a line between, and use that as a reference so to not cross the border, a perculiar attempt?

Is being specific too much to ask for?

Rules are to be broken, but please remember, should you have no rules, how on earth would you have the luxury to break it!

p/s: I'm really frustrated now! Heck it!

There aint no problem with our system?!

Following the BERSIH rally, there's a very interesting interview conducted by Al Jazeera with Lawyer Malik Imtiaz Sarwar, law minister Nazri Aziz, and the Son-in-Law. I've read, but nothing can be more real than seeing how the rally was carried out and handled by the police force, including throwing canon water and tear gas at the crowd with my own eyes.

Watch the youtube put up by Al Jazeera here and here and listen to what each of them has to say with regard to the rally and whether or not the demand by the public for institutional change is a valid item to the ministers.

I might not be as neutral as I thought I am, but the conversations had given me nothing but a feel that the people involved, whoever they are, are playin this against-the-opposition-game. Vice versa? I don't know. And what was said was merely something they're supposed or probably told to say. Listen to the law minister's reply to the question whether or not there's a need for institutional change; it's just, disappointing. Repeating the same answer ain't giving you extra points, it shows only you're intellectually vacuous.

'There ain't nothing wrong with the system coz we've been following it for the past 50th years.' Oh yea!! that's why Malaysia is at where she is now!

It's simply annoying when one knows there're flaws urgently needed to be corrected and yet still stubbornly denying it for the sake of denying.

That tone of intimacy

Yet another subconscious action. Or has it been part of her already, to stay up a lil later jus to say morning to him, and hear him say good nite to her?

'Go and sleeep, it's already 2am.' For the first time, he din mix up the time difference.

The newly bought duvet cover sheet ain't not attractive enough to get her to tug in bed. She's immersing herself in the moment of sweeet memories; of the way he usually responded to her silly questions, the way he said whyyyy? and whaaaaat? Aint those jus some simple words everyone uses daily? She's subconsciously differentiating his 'whaaaat and whyyy' from others.

It's that tone. That tone of intimacy, which she misses dearly.

Lil treat for myself

Handed in yet another assignment today. Hohoho!!! =p

Feeling rather happy, and I can't help not to give myself a lil treat for all the hard work done and late-sleep nites in the past few days, so I headed down to the city, and tadaaaa..

No...I didn't buy the bed. It's the duvet cover that I bought. Ain't it pretty?! I jus luuuurve the colour! Hehe. And it's only 12 pounds.

Say, this is pretty too, isn't it? I loveeee the lace! So, I bought myself two pieces of different colour, hehehe. This and a blue one. 4 pounds each, why not heh. =p Was thinkin of getting the black too, next trip I think. Wink.

All in all, I'm jus happy today! =))

BERSIH Rally on the 10th Nov 2007

Though I wasn't in KL myself on the 10th Nov 2007, but am really impressed and amazed by the 40,000 people showing up and participating themselves at the rally to deliver the BERSIH memo to the istana negara, all with one and only one aim - for fairer and cleaner election.

For the very first time, the word 'unity' of the Malaysian pops up in my head. For the first time, I see light in the shadows. For the first time, I'm hessitant to say, 'live and work in Malaysia? Nah!'

What surprises me was that, the center of KL was locked down, tear gas and water cannons are being used by the police to shut off the demonstrators. What da?!! It's already made clear that this was a peacful rally and in fact, it has been, why the people were still being treated this way?!

See http://www.jeffooi.com/2007/11/how_they_painted_it_yellow.php for more details.

And the even cooler thing subsequent to the rally was the interview of our 'beloved' Information Minister with Al Jazeera. GAWD! That was simply, .....

Classic!

p/s: the interview and the rally video (jeffooi's site has got the link to it) on youtube were and still are very heavy loaded. Gotta try it again later.

Blogging Behaviour

Gotten an invitation to participate in a survey regarding people's blogging behavior two days ago via the comment left in my blog. Few questions pop up in my mind immediately seeing the message.

1) Do the researchers go through each one's blog and select the ones that they think are relevant to participate in the survey (which doesn't quite make sense, as that is introducing biasness and meaning they'll have to glue themselves to the computer all time - it's a massive work to be done!) or do they simply jus sent out a mass invitation and collect the sample data from there?

2) How genuine is this survey? I did google a lil to find out if the so called researchers do exist in where they claimed they're from (yea, I know, I'm just a lil skeptical when comes to any online-web-based stuff). And that guy with the chinese name, can't remember his name (my apology), even had publications!

3) If at all this is really a genuine survey, what's the impact of the findings?

And, I'm now thinkin a lil, about why I've started blogging....

Memory flashing back.....

Fireworks Overdose

This is unbelievable! Fireworks are still being lighted up even today! I love fireworks, but not when I'm in bed and that I ain' seeing it!

Thank goodness I am not a light sleeeper.....ZZzzz.

Oh, please don't get me wrong. This shouldn't sound like a complain. I repeat, I love fireworks!!!

Freedom

Freedom comes from the fact that one has the chance to make choices.

So, appreciate such luxury you have!

Two points

Is the shortest distance between two points a straight line?

Think not in terms of mathematical solution.

Curvy routes sometimes can lead one to the second point quicker than if one were to take a straight route.

Never to be too strong headed in any instance.

It's Deepavali?!

Damn! I've totally forgotten that it's Deepavali yesterday!

Thanks to the Batch Process assignment that's been keepin me occupied, both physically and mentally, and even emotionally. Grr.

It's a lil annoying to know that I've given all my attention to the work and becoming ignorant about the on-goings in the outer world, the environment and the people.

Time management. Is that what it's all about?

Anyways, Happy Belated Deepavali! =p

Happiness

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions -- the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heart-felt compliment, and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feeling.

I'm contented!

It's Bonfire Night!!

A lil history bout the 5th November - The guy Fawkes Day! That’s the date back in 1605 when that pesky Guy Fawkes, a member of a group of English Roman Catholics, tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament! And every year, there'll be a fun-for-all effigy big, brash bonfires, with plenty of fireworks and carnival parades, to commemorate the failure of the Gunpowder Plot of Guy Fawkes.

Tonight, Hyde Park was packed with a sea of people. I was one of them. =p Bonfire was litted up in the middle of the park for a whole 1 hour in this freezing night, and followed by a 20 mins firework display. Nothing to shout bout, but am enjoying it! The cool breeze, that warm and glaring bonfire, it's just, gratifying. And it's amazing to see soo many people are lighting up fireworks (it's legal in UK) to celebrate the night. It's everywhere, and at every sight through out the whole night, even now when I'm in my room, the sound effect of the fireworks are non-stop. Sheesh, why am I back sooo early?

It's a symphony of fireworks ochestra!

My Japanese housemate and I and the bonfire

Look at the people. It's simply, massive!

3am

It's 3am now.

Your appearance on msn makes me want to stay on for a lil while more. Just to say hi, I thought. But, it's never enough, is it? Five minutes has dragged to half an hour. I'll have hard time getting up the next morning.

The assignments, suddenly are no longer the priority. Sighhh. When will I stop being this silly?

Nite nite, you said. It's beeen such a long while since you said it this way. Darn! mind is running wild again!

Halloween Party at Puro!

It's a great night!

First time of me putting on such a heavy make up, with some drawing on the face somemore so as not to look too ordinary, but heh, I guess I aint as wild as I thought. =p

Lets get the picture to do the talkin...


Me and my housemate getting ready for the night


Say, aren't we gorgeous?!


As compared to these guys, I'm only normal. =p But I'm stickin to it.


Thanks to the sweat, my flower painting was gone! =p



Black coloured nails. And they are mine!

Colours. They do wonders, don't they?!

Why?

Grr. Why did my eyes get watery when I hear you sayin that you're now stayin all by yourself, and that you have been packin food for dinner everyday. Sighhh. You said you're fine, and will be fine but why, why does it pain me when I hear you sayin that.

Would you have someone to be by your side to take care of you, and cook for you, and watch you sleep if you get sick? Would the house be too quiet like you've once said before? Jus a thought of the 'if yes if no' brings a lump to my throat.

Why am I still sooo emotionally engaged?!

Why is you being alone any of my concern?

Why is a simple word from you like 'be careful' have such a strong impact on me?

Why have I not kept my promise of no more shedding of tears for you?

Why am I even askin why?

Answers. I'm not seeking for any. For I've already known.

A friend told me that he doesn't think that I'm as simple a person as I've portrayed to them. Am I that complicated?

I believe I'm not.

Our first time

Tired. Yet I'm happy! This trip to London is worthy. It's been great to see my brother, no cake celebration but it's good enough! The walk together around the city, den visit to the big Ben, den the london eye, the china town, etc.

It's our first brother-sister's outing eh, and first brother-sister takin pictures together, =p. He even acted as thou he got punched when I said I'm goin to do a post of tryin to punch him. Cute!

My only wish is that he'll start thinkin bout his future and make good use of his time. He's my only brother afterall.

My London Trip!

In London, I am now! Hohoho.

This is me and my brother, who has just turned 24 today, in front of the London Eye. I know, the picture resolution ain't good, but heck, thats the best we could get after more than 10 shots!



Sooo wanted to upload more photoes, but grrr, most of the pics are not usable. =p The photographer (so called) should really brush up his technique. Or maybe it's the camera! Blek.

Things "She' Likes About 'He' 2

He, brought out the lady in her, and made her realised that, she's more than who she thinks she is.

She's after all not a superwoman, but a lady,
who needs to be taken care of,
a lady who needs his broad shoulder to lay her head on,
a lady who needs his gentle touch to continue to glow and radiant,
a lady who needs his soft and supple lips to take away her tears and sorrow,
and his babyee smile to smile back to him,
she is afterall,
just a lady who needs his strong arms to feel safe,
a lady who needs to hear his deep firm voice to stand strong and shines,
a lady who needs his presence to learn what compromisation is all about,
and a lady who needs his gazing to blossom.

She, needs his nurture to be complete.

Love Me...

I read a note my grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat and he showed it once to me
He said," Boy you might not understand, but a long long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I loved your grandma so
We had this crazy plan to meet, and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter and this is what it said

*If you get there before I do, don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through,
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down,
Darling wait and see
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you..love me

I read those words just hours before my grandma passed away
In the doorway of a church where me and grandpa stopped to pray
I know I never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her
His eyes filled up with tears *

And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you... love me

Colin Raye - Love Me

A very sweeet song to listen to at time like this. Accidently dig it out from my collection of songs and fell in love with the melody instantly. Got soo addicted to it that it's been playing repeatedly non stop for a couple of days now...=)

A love sphere has been recently stirred upon KennySia's series of posts on the topic of men and women. It's a very attractive and interesting topic to discuss and it certainly has got me enveloping myself in the feel it has created...

That warmth, that wrenching feeling, that emotional touch,
Tingly.

That magical moment of two eyes meeting each other,
Breathtaking.

That never ending physical chemistry,
Electrifying.

Addictive, love is.

Things "She' Likes About 'He'

When he is sleeeping; that extreme long and curly eye lashes, that rhythmic breathing with occassional retarded snore, that smoothen-out frowning lines, that messy soft hair, that closed up lips awaiting to be moistured, that most peaceful babyee look of him, have never failed to make her wanting to shower him with endless soft gentle kisses all over as though that's the most precious thing in the world.

When he is getting his hand ready, before she reaches him; that patiently waiting expression on his face, watching her walking slowly towards him, that firm and tight grab when their fingers eventually crossed together, make her wants to have her hands to be held by his forever.

When he doesn't know how or what to react uponh her staring at him out of no reason for more than 10 seconds; that tad of embaressment and uneasiness, that slowly turning red face, and that cute lil round puppy eyes start wandering around, don't know where to lay his sight on, are simply too irresistable for her to not continue staring at him.

When he never allow her to feel left out in any occasions and his consistency in checkin her in if things are well; that bit of detailed observations of him, that understanding, caringness, gentleman-lity, that attitude of never take things for granted, that sense of security and reliability, that smile of assurance, that instant short and strong squeeze of his hands on hers, have captivated and melted her heart over and over again.

When he has his plans/views layed out and wanting to share with her; that confidence, that assertion, that moment of interactive mind and soul bonding session, make her knows that this is the one man that she would like to walk through the sunrise and sunset with.

There're many more when's....

That she wants to put down, for that have been part of her life.

And she will not allow it to be slipped off from her getting rusted memory.

p/s: I like the topic, what she or he likes recently posted on KennySia's blog. Never used to leave comments on the blogs I frequented, for this, I realised I can't help not to make an exception. =p

Yay!!!!!!!!

Yayyyyy!!!!!!!

Finally handed in that pathetic 10% assignment today! Phewwwwwwwwwwwww.

One day I have to relax before preparing for the next battle (as if heh)! =p

Left or Right Brain?

Saw this on Boon's blog. And no doubt, it interests me immediately. So long it is personality test, brain test, aptitude test, be it accurate or not, it will get me tryin. =)

So, I've loooked at it as the girl is turning in the direction of clockwise. And no matter how much I try to focus, I still can't get the picture of her turnin anticlockwise. Arghhh!!!

Conclusion: I'm a right brainer eh?

Let see what the description says.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS >> MEEEEEE aka the right brainer
uses feeling (GAWD, spot on!)
“big picture” oriented (ermm, if compared to my sister, hehe)
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future (what bout past?)
philosophy & religion (philosophy perhaps, strongly influenced by my papa)
can “get it” (i.e. meaning) (huh?!!)
believes
appreciates (as usual, hehe)
spatial perception (I'm still tryin to understand the meanin of it)
knows object function
fantasy based (errrr, never thought so)
presents possibilities
impetuous (awww, that's soooo true!)
risk taking (don't think so eh, a lil maybe? heh)

And the funny thing is..

And the funny thing is, I would rather spend my limited time on reading blogs, updating my own, yacking away with friends.

I need some enlightenment!

The person in front of the mirror, with untied long messy hair, and bloodless lips looks kinda scary.

Oh, what has that 10% turned me into? Hmmph!

Goin nuts am I?

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Is today goin to be the last day I'll sit in front of this damn laptop writing this damn essay?!!!!

I'm bout to go nuts, I realised, for another second of looking at the word 'batch process', I will have spasm.

10% worth only essay, and I'm freakin stucked in the rooom, for that 2 freakin days. Awwwwwww. Has efficiency disappeared from my dictionary?

Hell.

I'll have my ABC soup now!

Random feelings

Few things make me happy lately; Met some really nice friends, been goin out, savouring the joy of freedom, got things under my way. But, the cheer seems to be shortlived. Came back into the room, I sat down, and started staring at my assignment, for a long while, I did nothing but staring. I recognise this feeling. It's loneliness. Why am I feeling lonely? I know I of all people have absolutely no right to feel lonely. So much love and support from my family and friends, I should have just shut up and be grateful for what I have.

Too much ups lately, it's perhaps time to get tone down a lil. The balance, remember? Certainly am feeling much better than yesterday, PMS is comin to an end soon. The best excuse on earth, isn't it?

It's time, to really go back to the paper.

PMSing perhaps?

Tonight’s one of those nights. those say-nothing-please-nights of bleakness and dissolution. Feeling a lil down, suddenly. Looking at the stacks of books and notes on the table, all I get is jus watery eyes. I'm havin PMS, perhaps. The time fits in well anyways.

It's an excuse, and I'm sticking to it.

Or mayb it's the song I'm listening to now. Sometimes, songs do get you sink into depression. Dont' they?

Tonight, I miss the smell of you, of home. Miss teasing my sister, and seeing her getting frustrated. =p For the first time having been here for more than a month plus, the feeling of missing shows its presence.

Smell. It's kinda strange that I no longer dislike the cigarattes smell that much, for it has served as an inducer to remind me of you. The smell of your cologne and the taste of the cig in your mouth. I'm not forgetting it, am I? Can I? or Will I?

'I'm sure you can do it', you have said it soo many times to me when I'm in need of support.

I remember.

But does remembrance lighten the shadows; does it warm one in the dead of winter? It cannot dispel the grief. But it certainly helps when it comes in the form of support that you're makin it into.

If remembrance is all that I have, and that's afterall what I've been holding on to.

I can do it!

Felt rather satisfactory when I managed to solve one of the many questions we were thrown at after all these lectures. Hehe.

It's been kinda demoralizing for the past weeks where 90% of the lectures, equations, functions are alient to me, and none of the questions are my friends. So for the first time, getting the right answer, I was a lil proud myself (jus a tad of it, hehe) that I'm able to teach my friend how to solve that problem. Hehe. It's one rare occasion. But lets hope that it'll be a norm as time goes.

Anyways, really, it's nothing to shout about becoz the assignment question still can't be solved! Grrrr. Stupid differential equation!

My precious parcel

Got the parcel from my sister and finally, my long waiting hook and the 3M stickers are here. Hehehe. Friend was like sayin, gosh, is this really just what it is to have my sister to get it all the way from Singapore (sister said, she couldnt even find it in KL, which is kinda weird, but nvm, so long I've them with me now, hehe) and send it all the way here. Just that 2 lil hooks and some stickers?

Hehe. Oh yeaaaa. They are my precious here. I can finally hang my worn cloths and bags in a nicer way and not jus dump them in the basket. =p It's surprising to not be able to find a decent 3M hook and that stickers or I think it's called some adhesive strips in Leeds. I might not have done a good job in searching, but I'd have assumed this should be easy at sight in most of the supermarkets, and when I simply jus couldnt get hold of it after searchin high and low in practically every sections, it's straight forward to make the conclusion that, yea, leeds don't sell 3M adhesive strips. =p And I've got no choice but to get them posted over. Hehehe.

I must say, thank you soo much, sister. Hehe, for wrapping them up sooo nicely too. Oh, and the blue tag. I can't seem to find it here either. Maybe I really do have cocked eye. Keke.

And last but not least, I've finally got a picture of my family displayin in my room. =)

This parcel does worth its cost, doesnt it?

My lil something...hehehe

It's some lil secret of me that you'll never know.

Still, as usual, talkin to you keeps me smiling. =) Especially now when you're not acting as cool as before (or perhaps it's only this instance...hmmmm =p). And that I can feel the 'free-ness' in your expression. Your complaint that I didn't read your email properly and hence replied you another thing, and the teasing of me having cocked eye. sweet. You are still as cute eh. How can I not keep in touch with you?

Knowing that you're at least happy no doubt makes me happy too. Not like I can or even in the position of taking away all the sadness or unsatisfaction or unhappiness from you, but I sincerely wish that I'll be able to see you in smile, like a babyeeee, again.

The Balance

The beauty of the universe is that it is built upon a cyclic loop. Where we start, is where we'll end at.

There's always a material balance, be it in the tangible or non (ie. emotion) form, it is something that we may not be aware of in our daily lives, but it's certainly the key of how everything works in this universe. Everything has gotta be in balance.

The question is, how are we to acheive that? Our body has it's own way of acheiving homeostasis.

What about our mind?

Gosshhh!!

OMG!!!! Was soooo excited when I got to know that one of my high school mate is in Glasgow, now!

That sudden excitement! Remember we're just talkin a couple of months back about our plan to UK, and sheeesh, now we're, me in Leeds, and she in Glasgow! And it feels kinda funny (in a good way, hehe), that we're just throwing questions to each other, non stop. 8 years of not seeing each other since high schoool, we're certainly goin to meet up, right here now!

I must have been too deprived in speaking to old friends eh?

Hehehe.