its almost 2 years now since the day. there were nights where cravings were so strong and loneliness unbearable and i wished i could turn back time, but i'm glad i couldnt. i dont know how things are goin to be different if it was otherwise, but i know at least i'm happier with the way we're now, where i get to enjoy moments like this - no fights, no forced reconciliation, only exchange of words that are most heartfelt, teasings that are most welcoming and missing that is never too potent. it's so easy. and free.
the spring breeze is still on my cheeks, i remember the night you played my fav song i've only told you once. i never let you know how nervous i was then, rather i misled you into thinking i wasnt at all moved. ah...how fast time flies, you are doing everything you have ever wanted to, and better. and i'm growing up, becoming a stronger woman you have always wanted to see me become.
and you will always be in my heart.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Orange Concoction
it's a beautiful sunday afternoon, i'm takin a seep of the orange concoction i just made for myself - the smile of a stranger, the tizi tagine, conversation bout the ideal world, and a bit of blueberry sauce.
The Climb
The Climb - Miley Cyrus
**
I'm seeing it too, right.
I can almost see it,
That dream I'm dreamin'
But,there's a voice inside my head sayin'
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high
Theres always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes were gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side,
It's the climb.
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking,
Sometimes might knock me down,
But, no I'm not breaking.
I may not know it,
But these are the moments that,
I'm gonna remember most, yeah,
Just gotta keep goin'
And, I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on,
'Cause, there's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes were gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side,
It's The Climb
Yeah
There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes were gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what,s waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah
That dream I'm dreamin'
But,there's a voice inside my head sayin'
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high
Theres always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes were gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side,
It's the climb.
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking,
Sometimes might knock me down,
But, no I'm not breaking.
I may not know it,
But these are the moments that,
I'm gonna remember most, yeah,
Just gotta keep goin'
And, I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on,
'Cause, there's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes were gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side,
It's The Climb
Yeah
There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes were gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what,s waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah
**
I'm seeing it too, right.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
I Told You So
I Told You So - Carrie Underwood
**
I don't know how, but I jus fell for this song the very second I hear it. it diffuses into my skin. my hair. and that tinted glass of fresh lemon mint tea.
Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.
If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:
"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".
If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?
Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?
Would you say:
"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you have to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".
"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.
If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:
"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".
If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?
Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?
Would you say:
"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you have to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".
"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".
I don't know how, but I jus fell for this song the very second I hear it. it diffuses into my skin. my hair. and that tinted glass of fresh lemon mint tea.
My Life Would Suck Without You
My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson
how.
should and should not.
too many things i want. too many things i need. too many hopes. dreams. desires.
how do i do this.
Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again
Cuz we belong together now...yeah
Forever united here somehow...yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues
But you’re pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I’m nothing without you
Cuz we belong together now...yeah
Forever united here somehow...yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let go
Oh yeah
Cuz we belong together now...yeah
Forever united here somehow...yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Cuz we belong together now...yeah
Forever united here somehow...yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Over...
how.
should and should not.
too many things i want. too many things i need. too many hopes. dreams. desires.
how do i do this.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Traffic Light
yes. i have it in my hand now. i was relieved, for a good 60 seconds, i acted like a child who finally has her popsicle. i'm glad that i can now cross out one of the many on my pending list.
pure bliss is forever short-lived. it's always like this. always is.
i'm once again at the cross road. there are abundance of cars on the road. moving and stopping as directed by the traffic light. every driver seems so focussed following the signs. even the little boy in red knows exactly when to start crossing. it's so straightforward and simple.
pure bliss is forever short-lived. it's always like this. always is.
i'm once again at the cross road. there are abundance of cars on the road. moving and stopping as directed by the traffic light. every driver seems so focussed following the signs. even the little boy in red knows exactly when to start crossing. it's so straightforward and simple.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Day X
to be very honest, i'm afraid. i'm afraid i'll be taken down once again.
the expectation, of what is to come. is thrilling. and scary.
would i be held in thrall.
the expectation, of what is to come. is thrilling. and scary.
would i be held in thrall.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
As I Step Into the Lift
the phone rings.
i've been waiting for it for too long now.
as the woman speaks, the corners of my lips stretch, jus like this - =)
all the cursing and uneasiness in the past are now forgotten.
my senses are at ease. i see the grey cloud hovering on top of my head slowly disappears.
i will have you landed on my hand safely. right.
i've been waiting for it for too long now.
as the woman speaks, the corners of my lips stretch, jus like this - =)
all the cursing and uneasiness in the past are now forgotten.
my senses are at ease. i see the grey cloud hovering on top of my head slowly disappears.
i will have you landed on my hand safely. right.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
9am and 5pm
9am. i was greeted with utter despair.
at this very second, i thought to myself - c'mon, let me just trip over my own feet and when i stand up and brush the dirt off my skirt, i will find that it's yesterday again, and i will have made the call earlier, den i will not have to go thru all this shit now. but i didn't trip. and i didn't find that it was yesterday. it was still today, very much so, painfully and realistically.
can you take me off that rocking boat.
**
really, all i wanted to do was forget the reason why i was angry because it is about something that i have spent way too much time being angry about, and it is also something that i cannot change.
but you know, forgetting is never a one second thing.
**
5pm. i was given what i needed the most. strength. the voices from home. the sound of tenderness. and the sound of silence that comes after the comforting phone call. the permanance of it comforted me. it also didn't expect anything from me, and that liberated me.
i can never mentioned enough how grateful i am to have the people in my life to be so understanding and not blaming me for what has happened.
and thus, i can heal myself. far, far, far removed from the toxic aid of humanity.
i can hold on to my tears and stand up once again.
i wasn't ok when i said i was. but i'm ok now.
so, the last thing you need to worry is me. ok.
**
maybe its good that we do not have the ability to turn back time.
**
and so tonight i am happy. happier. contented. because of life. and your presence.
i love you, pa
i love you, ma
i love you, sis
at this very second, i thought to myself - c'mon, let me just trip over my own feet and when i stand up and brush the dirt off my skirt, i will find that it's yesterday again, and i will have made the call earlier, den i will not have to go thru all this shit now. but i didn't trip. and i didn't find that it was yesterday. it was still today, very much so, painfully and realistically.
can you take me off that rocking boat.
**
really, all i wanted to do was forget the reason why i was angry because it is about something that i have spent way too much time being angry about, and it is also something that i cannot change.
but you know, forgetting is never a one second thing.
**
5pm. i was given what i needed the most. strength. the voices from home. the sound of tenderness. and the sound of silence that comes after the comforting phone call. the permanance of it comforted me. it also didn't expect anything from me, and that liberated me.
i can never mentioned enough how grateful i am to have the people in my life to be so understanding and not blaming me for what has happened.
and thus, i can heal myself. far, far, far removed from the toxic aid of humanity.
i can hold on to my tears and stand up once again.
i wasn't ok when i said i was. but i'm ok now.
so, the last thing you need to worry is me. ok.
**
maybe its good that we do not have the ability to turn back time.
**
and so tonight i am happy. happier. contented. because of life. and your presence.
i love you, pa
i love you, ma
i love you, sis
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
To Sum It Up
this hour, the pent-up emotions finally evade me.
the kindness in you. from msn to yahoo. from the lil talk to the dancing dots. from the devilish laugh to angellic smile. and that asshole responds. thank you.
and you. for layaning me and bring me into your story. for giving me your precious sleeping hours. thank you.
and then you. for being so accommodating. thank you.
**
stepping back to observe the aftermath, i always think it’s so strange how sometimes all it takes is one second. or one minute. for something big to sweep into our lives unexpectedly and change everything. and whatever dat happens at dat very second, determines the next space and time.
it never comes back. there's no u-turn. there's only another beginning.
**
and i cannot help but to wonder, if it happens the second before, what could have been.
the kindness in you. from msn to yahoo. from the lil talk to the dancing dots. from the devilish laugh to angellic smile. and that asshole responds. thank you.
and you. for layaning me and bring me into your story. for giving me your precious sleeping hours. thank you.
and then you. for being so accommodating. thank you.
**
stepping back to observe the aftermath, i always think it’s so strange how sometimes all it takes is one second. or one minute. for something big to sweep into our lives unexpectedly and change everything. and whatever dat happens at dat very second, determines the next space and time.
it never comes back. there's no u-turn. there's only another beginning.
**
and i cannot help but to wonder, if it happens the second before, what could have been.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Rilek Jack
it all started with rilek jack. and my malay that rocks. hahaha.
i like the way you laugh. it makes me happy.
i like the way you make me feel. it makes me yearn for more.
and the lame joke on the blonde. the weirdo. the stupidity. they are just like the songs on my playlist. they never end. forever linger in my mind even in my dreams, i'm not imunne.
the conversation. the smile. the want. the never enough.
**
but i hate how you always end it so abruptly. grrr.
i like the way you laugh. it makes me happy.
i like the way you make me feel. it makes me yearn for more.
and the lame joke on the blonde. the weirdo. the stupidity. they are just like the songs on my playlist. they never end. forever linger in my mind even in my dreams, i'm not imunne.
the conversation. the smile. the want. the never enough.
**
but i hate how you always end it so abruptly. grrr.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Unspoken Words
came across this song by accident. love it. love the melody.
there, was some time traveling.
some reflection upon self.
some exchange of words.
who would be able to live an adolescent's life, without admitting its tough?
who would be able to draw a clear, unadulterated line between infatuation and faith?
who would know the secret pains that a girl has in the closet of her heart?
or who would understand the feelings of a boy whose love is unrecipocrated?
and behind each laughter, is a wound,
that i refuse to see.
i'm so sorry.
the wasted kindness.
unrecipocrated.
sigh. it hurts to hold on.
it hurts to let go.
tell me, what do we do.
Yes, I hear the cry...of my own heart...
how can I live
so pure and free
free of contradicting thought?
there, was some time traveling.
some reflection upon self.
some exchange of words.
who would be able to live an adolescent's life, without admitting its tough?
who would be able to draw a clear, unadulterated line between infatuation and faith?
who would know the secret pains that a girl has in the closet of her heart?
or who would understand the feelings of a boy whose love is unrecipocrated?
and behind each laughter, is a wound,
that i refuse to see.
i'm so sorry.
the wasted kindness.
unrecipocrated.
sigh. it hurts to hold on.
it hurts to let go.
tell me, what do we do.
Yes, I hear the cry...of my own heart...
how can I live
so pure and free
free of contradicting thought?
Saturday, March 14, 2009
To Zanarkand
blocked nose. i'm in a state of dissolution & sedation.
zanarkand. i dunno why but i'm just so moved by this song. every single cell of me, is soaking in this moment of silence.
zanarkand. i dunno why but i'm just so moved by this song. every single cell of me, is soaking in this moment of silence.
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Wooden Frame
i knew it. i knew i'm goin to be happy!! hahaha.
that first halo is the killer. spot on. right at my heart. i'm dead.
**
i love the elaboration. can i assume that it's not universal. can i assume that it's target specific.
'you'll kill me if i tell you'. that cheekiness. sheesh. you know i will kill you too if you dont tell me.
i see the stirs. its so prominently visible. forever resonating it is spilling all over me. you smile, and i smile. i don remember the hows, all i know is that my hand flies to my heart when you gave me all the 'dens'. it's always the little details. innit. how do i not ache for the sunrise. such affinity. you and i.
it was a time of 'poooob' and pure bliss. can i drown you in the said pinkiness.
buhbye.
that first halo is the killer. spot on. right at my heart. i'm dead.
**
i love the elaboration. can i assume that it's not universal. can i assume that it's target specific.
'you'll kill me if i tell you'. that cheekiness. sheesh. you know i will kill you too if you dont tell me.
i see the stirs. its so prominently visible. forever resonating it is spilling all over me. you smile, and i smile. i don remember the hows, all i know is that my hand flies to my heart when you gave me all the 'dens'. it's always the little details. innit. how do i not ache for the sunrise. such affinity. you and i.
it was a time of 'poooob' and pure bliss. can i drown you in the said pinkiness.
buhbye.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Where has it gone to
the ticking of the clock is scaring me. and the stillness in this room. its suffocating.
nights after nights. i'm constantly searching for the inner peace i've misplaced somewhere. i read, i forget and then it comes back to haunt me again. i just wish i could hide inside that displayed house.
i miss staring at those 8 letters more than i thought i would. now its not there anymore, when i need it the most. why don you just let me have a peep at it. you always knew when to say what.
distract me with your story please, would you.
nights after nights. i'm constantly searching for the inner peace i've misplaced somewhere. i read, i forget and then it comes back to haunt me again. i just wish i could hide inside that displayed house.
i miss staring at those 8 letters more than i thought i would. now its not there anymore, when i need it the most. why don you just let me have a peep at it. you always knew when to say what.
distract me with your story please, would you.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Away
i saw you there. for a second, i wanted to give you a buzz and tell you how much i miss talking to you.
the dim sums mornings, cineleisure, marina square, orchard road, the stations - how much a part of it i felt in the times that we were acquainted. those scenes, and those songs. the constant reminders. there, was where i belonged.
i still smile. my heart still skips a beat when i see the pictures. they still see you in my eyes.
**
how. how do i take this? how do i stop missing?
the dim sums mornings, cineleisure, marina square, orchard road, the stations - how much a part of it i felt in the times that we were acquainted. those scenes, and those songs. the constant reminders. there, was where i belonged.
i still smile. my heart still skips a beat when i see the pictures. they still see you in my eyes.
**
how. how do i take this? how do i stop missing?
Snow in March
snow. rain. blue sky. sunlight. they do coexist. just like how it's today. when you least expected it. when you thought you're covered only with snow and rain. and den suddenly you're kissed by the sunlight. everything is back to where it was. you talk and i smile.
i like how the sky is so blue now.
i like how the sky is so blue now.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
You and the Rainy Day
where do i run.
i'm so tired now. tears rolling down my cheeks. i'm jaded.
all these make me miss those days even more. those days, where things were so simple. people were so easy. they could be read like books. no mind games are involved. no mental tango in a cramped place, no explanation needed. i can tell a person i like him without having to worry if it is something too potent to say. we can hold each others hand without having to worry things would gone out of hand. we can lie on the same bed and talk without me feeling like i'm being pressured into becoming more intimate.
**
i hurt someone terribly tonight. someone whom i enjoyed goin out with, someone whom i felt so comfortable leaning against on, someone whom gave in so much for me, someone with such tenderness that i always yearn for.
he's wounded, yet i still throw a pinch of salt onto his wound and let it bleed. he's in pain, yet i still cruelly give him a jab right into his heart till it's all broken into pieces.
why couldn't i give in, just a lil? why couldnt i end it better? why did i have to be such a selfish coward? why did i let him walk under the rain?
i'm so sorry.
**
the door slid shut and the bus rolled away. just like that. so quickly it was almost swift.
one blink, two blinks.
all thats left is good bye.
i'm so tired now. tears rolling down my cheeks. i'm jaded.
all these make me miss those days even more. those days, where things were so simple. people were so easy. they could be read like books. no mind games are involved. no mental tango in a cramped place, no explanation needed. i can tell a person i like him without having to worry if it is something too potent to say. we can hold each others hand without having to worry things would gone out of hand. we can lie on the same bed and talk without me feeling like i'm being pressured into becoming more intimate.
**
i hurt someone terribly tonight. someone whom i enjoyed goin out with, someone whom i felt so comfortable leaning against on, someone whom gave in so much for me, someone with such tenderness that i always yearn for.
he's wounded, yet i still throw a pinch of salt onto his wound and let it bleed. he's in pain, yet i still cruelly give him a jab right into his heart till it's all broken into pieces.
why couldn't i give in, just a lil? why couldnt i end it better? why did i have to be such a selfish coward? why did i let him walk under the rain?
i'm so sorry.
**
the door slid shut and the bus rolled away. just like that. so quickly it was almost swift.
one blink, two blinks.
all thats left is good bye.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Brim
sigh. if only sighing helps.
its entering the 8th week now. its so fucking frustrating.
what do i do. what should i do.
i'm irked. i'm in fear. i'm jittery. its eating me inside out.
fuckadidoodaa!
its entering the 8th week now. its so fucking frustrating.
what do i do. what should i do.
i'm irked. i'm in fear. i'm jittery. its eating me inside out.
fuckadidoodaa!
In Between
has it gone out of hand?
it used to be casual. fun. giggly. relaxed. cosy. with flowers. and hearts.
it used to be casual. fun. giggly. relaxed. cosy. with flowers. and hearts.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Us
i love them, but i have failed to prove.
i'm such a handicapped at this. or i am just too proud to admit it. i'm just too proud to let them know how my heart is always smiling after talking to them, how much i love the sound of them calling me da jie, and all the teasing of each other that no one else could relate except us - the intimacy we share.
i'm just too proud to let them know how upset i was whenever we argued over those stupid trivial stuff, how proud i am of them to be such kind and lovable siblings who always tolerate the bossiness in me, and how pissed i got whenever someone made bad comments bout them. nobody, NOBODY can ever hurt them.
they never knew how much i share them with the entire world, how i've always forced my friends to agree with me that my siblings are the bestest one could ever have in the whole universe.
without them, i would fall apart.
i'm such a handicapped at this. or i am just too proud to admit it. i'm just too proud to let them know how my heart is always smiling after talking to them, how much i love the sound of them calling me da jie, and all the teasing of each other that no one else could relate except us - the intimacy we share.
i'm just too proud to let them know how upset i was whenever we argued over those stupid trivial stuff, how proud i am of them to be such kind and lovable siblings who always tolerate the bossiness in me, and how pissed i got whenever someone made bad comments bout them. nobody, NOBODY can ever hurt them.
they never knew how much i share them with the entire world, how i've always forced my friends to agree with me that my siblings are the bestest one could ever have in the whole universe.
without them, i would fall apart.
Letter to me
老爸话语（一）
大女儿大学毕业后找到了工作，老爸跟她说，爸爸再陪伴你十年。
女儿反应说：“好端端的怎么讲这种话。”表情严肃认真，带着迷惑不解。女儿想到了死。
二女儿大学毕业后找到了工作，老爸跟她说：“老爸再陪伴你十年。”
女儿反应说：“不要！我要多多年。”笑容可掬，露出撒娇态。女儿没想到死。
其实老爸的十年，不是十年期限这个意思。而且老爸这个词里有老妈的同在。老爸老妈是一不是二，只不过分成二个个体，分别活动。老爸老妈吵架时，不是老爸跟老妈吵架，是吾我相争，自己跟自己吵架，真是妙！
这个妙，你们要体会。这个“十年”不是十年，也要去体会。如能体会，那么你们也就能够进入老爸的心里，你们也就像拥有神通，只要动了念头想见老爸，老爸即时“应召”而至。
老爸其实是永在你们的心中。但是拜托，千万不要占据了你们大部分的空间，只需轻灵地放在某一个不太显眼的角落，要的时候可以call出来。好像二女儿的房间，东西杂多又乱置，老爸认为垃圾，她却当宝。不管多杂乱，她都可以找到。一旦老妈替她整理后，东西就难找了。一旦难找也就可能不找了，不找了就当作不在了。
老爸老妈可是永远的存在，存在在每一个孩子的心上。只要孩子需要，随时都可以call出来。
所以老爸老妈未移民时，要常常call，可以身历其境，真确感受，多一些温馨欢乐，多一些关怀祝福！
幸福是call。
一旦老爸老妈移民后，也要常常call，可以并用神通及其妙用，再显温馨欢乐，一样真实感受，一样身历其境。再领永恒的关怀与祝福。
这样的神通与妙用，可以说是：“来去自如”，也可以说是“不去不来”，
也可以说是 一朝风月，万古长空
也可以说是 刹那既是永恒
也可以说是 我们是一体，未曾分离
2009年2月23日
**
this is a man who can make me feel so wretched and loved. remember the day where i sat next to him, and he tried to warm up both of my cold hands with his. that's when he brought up the 10 years. that's when my nose started to turn red. yes. it was meant to be something casual, light hearted. but seriously, i dislike the fact that there's a time frame. i cannot imagine a life without having this man. nobody to run to, nobody to back you up, nobody who understands you, nobody who loves you so unconditionally, nobody who gives you such sense of belongings, nobody who would listen to you, nobody sincere - the thought of this vacuum is so pain-stakinlgy scary that my stomach churns just thinking about it.
he always has the most powerful magic to make disappear the edgyness in me, the insecurities in me, the many many things that make me frus, and then turn them into flowers and hearts.
i never wanted to cry. i am not upset. but the moment i read the first line, i'm like the burst bubble. all it takes is one second, or one minute.
大女儿大学毕业后找到了工作，老爸跟她说，爸爸再陪伴你十年。
女儿反应说：“好端端的怎么讲这种话。”表情严肃认真，带着迷惑不解。女儿想到了死。
二女儿大学毕业后找到了工作，老爸跟她说：“老爸再陪伴你十年。”
女儿反应说：“不要！我要多多年。”笑容可掬，露出撒娇态。女儿没想到死。
其实老爸的十年，不是十年期限这个意思。而且老爸这个词里有老妈的同在。老爸老妈是一不是二，只不过分成二个个体，分别活动。老爸老妈吵架时，不是老爸跟老妈吵架，是吾我相争，自己跟自己吵架，真是妙！
这个妙，你们要体会。这个“十年”不是十年，也要去体会。如能体会，那么你们也就能够进入老爸的心里，你们也就像拥有神通，只要动了念头想见老爸，老爸即时“应召”而至。
老爸其实是永在你们的心中。但是拜托，千万不要占据了你们大部分的空间，只需轻灵地放在某一个不太显眼的角落，要的时候可以call出来。好像二女儿的房间，东西杂多又乱置，老爸认为垃圾，她却当宝。不管多杂乱，她都可以找到。一旦老妈替她整理后，东西就难找了。一旦难找也就可能不找了，不找了就当作不在了。
老爸老妈可是永远的存在，存在在每一个孩子的心上。只要孩子需要，随时都可以call出来。
所以老爸老妈未移民时，要常常call，可以身历其境，真确感受，多一些温馨欢乐，多一些关怀祝福！
幸福是call。
一旦老爸老妈移民后，也要常常call，可以并用神通及其妙用，再显温馨欢乐，一样真实感受，一样身历其境。再领永恒的关怀与祝福。
这样的神通与妙用，可以说是：“来去自如”，也可以说是“不去不来”，
也可以说是 一朝风月，万古长空
也可以说是 刹那既是永恒
也可以说是 我们是一体，未曾分离
2009年2月23日
**
this is a man who can make me feel so wretched and loved. remember the day where i sat next to him, and he tried to warm up both of my cold hands with his. that's when he brought up the 10 years. that's when my nose started to turn red. yes. it was meant to be something casual, light hearted. but seriously, i dislike the fact that there's a time frame. i cannot imagine a life without having this man. nobody to run to, nobody to back you up, nobody who understands you, nobody who loves you so unconditionally, nobody who gives you such sense of belongings, nobody who would listen to you, nobody sincere - the thought of this vacuum is so pain-stakinlgy scary that my stomach churns just thinking about it.
he always has the most powerful magic to make disappear the edgyness in me, the insecurities in me, the many many things that make me frus, and then turn them into flowers and hearts.
i never wanted to cry. i am not upset. but the moment i read the first line, i'm like the burst bubble. all it takes is one second, or one minute.
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