a lil smile for the day

Lil joy I have for a Monday evening, despite an awful morning that almost killed me!

I've got the peak I'm longing to see, and I've got the crystal I'm dying to get!! They are not perfect yet, but hey at least I see a crack in the bottleneck ok.

And I like speaking to Hammond. Everything seems to make more sense when coming from him. And seriously, I think this is how a supervisor should be like, supporting the students when they are confused, have a lil talk with them to find out the problems they are facing, and really mean it when you say work as a team, instead of sayin, 'oh, thats for you to find out, this is how research is and you gotta be independent bla bla bla shit!'. Screw this shit!

OK. I shall not spoil my mood by digressing this supposedly a happy post into a rant.

8 more weeks! I just can't wait man! cant wait to get out of this bloody place! =p

You appeared again

You appeared again.

I thought I'd made myself to forget all the yearnings, all the missings, all the 9pms, of you, of the warmth, the past. But at this hour, I realise I've forgotten to forget. why. why now. I'm just like a child longing for a popsicle in a hot day. and I only want the orange flavored one.

I sometimes think, is it because you're the only one I've hold so close to my heart, and that I'm deprived of numbers, that I've only you to think of, nobody else. Maybe. and it's a big maybe. I'm sure it's not the same, but I just can't seem to bring you out of the picture when I watch those scenes and listen to those songs. They are like waves of bubbles. Appear, then disappear, and reappear again.


The past few days have been lemoney for me. The experiments are still not working. The clock is still ticking. and I'm still looking for miracle.

The magic of cards

The cards made me happy. The process of making cards made me happy. The thoughts of them and how their happy faces would be like when they see the cards made me happy.

To be happy is simple. It is true that by giving you gain satisfaction with life, with yourself..it's the 'want' to do something for your loved ones, just like how every morning when I'm making myself breakfast, I want to make you one too.

Thats the feeling isnt it. Sincerely, truely, unconditionally wanting and wishing and hoping they are happy.

You and I

if you're broken, i'll fix you
if you're lonely, i'll miss you
when you're whole again, you'll forget
that you and i ever met

Aint this just so true?

Who is you and who is I?

What I m missing

I sometimes ask, with a lil pinch of sadness, why am I not your happiness anymore?

The answer is obvious, I knew it. But I can only pretend I didn't know for I was too afraid to face the naked truth. Dignity, thats why.

What I'm missing were those days where we could talk about everything and anything;

What I'm missing were those days where we made plans and dreams together;

What I'm missing were those days when we fought, I still want to love you more;

and I remembered the b'day that year,
I remembered the song that was playing, the starry night,
my right hand was so tightly held by yours,
my heart could never be warmer,

who, has forgotten,

who, still remembers.

Condom, Cig, Fujifilm

This morning I woke up to a real funny dream.

Of all things, all things, I bought you a pack of condom labelled Fujifilm or Fuji light or something along that line, with a picture of a cig as a cover in this multipurpose shop. You know how dreams are so amazing you can have just everything you want. It'll be right there. Magical. I dont know how such condom packaging comes about, condom, cig and fujifilm, but I decided thats the reason why I bought it straight away when I layed my eyes on it, and I was goin to post it to you. Yes. I'm goin to post you a pack of condom all the way from Leeds to KL.

Then I got up, thinking. Why am I buying you condom when I'm not physically there. So I decided to modify the ending of the dream myself. no, I'm not goin to give it to you for you to use it on others. even its jus a dream. blek.

Its just not any other day

It is so absolutely completely true. All that matters is how others make you feel.

Today, is not just any other day. It's a day of kindness, of sincerity, of sunshine, of flowers. There's singing in my heart. I've not felt this way for a long time I thought lending a hand without asking something for return is towards extinction, but his coming to me, his sincerity of trying to help, his attention and concentration while listening to my problems, his offering of subsequent help if needed, made my misery suddenly turned into 1 inch short.

That gentle gesture, that smile. I'm seeing lights now.

Little Happiness I Found

How I love facebook so much now! Those lil msges, those comments, those smiles...they are the food to my soul. =)

There is always happiness in every corner, so cliche, but very true. if not, just hit the ice cream eh. Ive recently channeled all my sulkiness to that tub of belgium chocolate ice-cream, and very strangely, it worked just so well in makin me feel better. I wonder what's in it that gives me such a pleasure.

Come, lets cheers to every lil good thing in life.

Belonging

Of late, I've been working a lot with my emotions.

The frustration with all the problems that never end, the discomfort and stress of not being on par, and repeatedly being let down when I thought I can get the support I needed. the hurtful moments. and not being heard when you're actually asked to talk, to express yourself. It seems so weird yet common, this seemingly involuntary action of people.

I could only bite my lower lip so hard to prevent the tears from welling up. The sense of belonging I constantly search for is no where to be seen.

simply random

All I want is to stare at the sky. the sun-setting. Den I remembered, this picture which I took yesterday that made me really happy. And the 1/3 rule I learnt from James to take nicer pic.

Can I ask for a sunshine tomorrow?

I don't like today

I'm tired. pissed. and upset. and very very very tired.

I'm so tired to even complain.

I don't like today.

rain

I'm happy. Refreshing and rejuvenating.

Today. I like the taste of rain. =)

Us

I've just came back from a lil weekend getaway. It was the best trip ever, so nice and lovely! Both Glasgow and Edinburgh are gorgeous, totally gorgeous I regret for not choosing scotland but england now! but thats not what i wanted to talk bout. What I want to pen down is u and me and us and we. nothing beats spending hours talkin and talkin and poking and laughing and teasing each others. sigh, those good old sepia tinted memories!


We all agreed, anywhere can be a better place to live. The key is having the right people with us, around us. it's bout the connection. the togetherness.


Somewhere, a clock is ticking. all we are doin is to keep moving forward so as to not be left behind. But today, I like how it brought us back to 10 years ago. Over the tea cups, we're still the 16 years old blue uniform girls. Giggly, bubbly, no worries, with all our swearing of stupids and smellys and discovered again that side of us we thought we're losing with time.

Us in the childhood museum posing like a kid

4 days of joy passed by just so quickly. Its now another piece of memory to frame up.

btw, sex and the city movie is worth a watch! friendeship that never dies.