Till I read hers, I only realised dat since last year May a small part of myself is always living in a closed-up state. buttoned, as how she puts it. I'm more cautious now in all new relationships with people and this cautiousness makes me build an invisible wall unconsciously I don't even see it to everyone who wants to get closer.
I'd always been the one telling my friends that there's no need to be afraid of getting hurt. and that it's stupid to fear for the 'if' and I'll never be in such situation. I have to eat my words now.
I've been hurt. and I'm scared to revise the feeling of having my heart breaking into pieces. I'm scared to have to look into that open wound once again and be left alone to see it bleeds. I'm scared to even think bout what if it's just all in vain when I've put myself so far out there, giving and loving. I'm just scared that I'm the only one who wants to love and the person I love will let my love slips away. It scares me how we all have the ability to break others heart when the person has handed us his/her heart and ask us not to break it. So I withdraw. I hold back. It's sad, but it's true.
but today, I want to tell myself to let it loose and lets be brave.
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