Thursday, June 28, 2007

Words

I'm still not able to get over you, am I?

No matter how busy I was, memories of you can just find its way to distract my thoughts. For a second, for a minute, it still is affecting me. Grrrr.

And so much was said that we could still be friends. When was the last time we talk? Never. And what's with the 'I'll still care for you'. It's merely just words.

Not to talk perhaps is the best way to keep us REALLY separated. And the best way to push me to leave as soon as I could. And sooner or later, things will be left behind as if you weren't part of my life. But have I been happier?

Consequences of such can be seen easily. Do I want to do something bout it? I know I'm struggling, to find a balance in between.

To follow the feeling, or face the reality and be practical.

Words, will remain as words.

Why the fourth finger?

Came across this topic while browsing thru other's blogs. I remember being told about what does each of our finger mean long time ago, while I was still in school (girls gossips! =p). Was intrigued there and then but it seems more like an information that comes in from one ear and goes out from the other.

It's good to have my memory refreshed now! and some fingers exercise too!

Why wedding ring should be worn on the 4th finger?

There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given, though many Legends existed...

* Thumb represents your Parents
* Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
* Middle finger represents your-Self
* Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
* and the Last (Little) finger represents your children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back. Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip (as shown in the pic above).

Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)... ., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children)... ., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse). You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!!

Take the romance off, it's anatomy! But I do like the way it's put together. =)

Pause...

Pause...for the best reason.

My girlfriend is getting married this Sunday and I'm goin home to attend her wedding!!!! =p

Talking to her over the phone the whole night and I can't express enough how happy I am for her. You have all my blessings, girl. Just can't wait seeing her in her most beautiful wedding dress, and the groom in his 'bestest' condition of all.

It's an amazing thing to happen. To have a family of your own.

So much so of fate and faith. And, I believe in it!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Malaysia's Biotechnology industries. What went wrong?

Stumbled upon the following article from Nature while I was searching for fundings to support my Masters course. It's an open secret and no exciting answers to as why Malaysia's BioValley didn't make its way (yet). It is perhaps time to look back and do something about it, government!

While other Asian tigers are roaring ahead in biotechnology, Malaysia's BioValley is going nowhere fast. David Cyranoski asks what went wrong.

Asking Malaysian researchers what happened to their country's flagship science project, known as the BioValley, is a confusing experience. Some claim it is still under development. Others say it never existed. Many are simply unwilling to talk about it.

But this was always a difficult project to pin down. Launched in May 2003, the BioValley was one of the final initiatives of Malaysia's strongman prime minister, Mahathir bin Mohamad, who stepped down from power a few months later. Incorporating three new research institutes and costing some US$160 million, the BioValley was meant to attract biotech companies to a centralized hub that would offer cheap rent, good telecommunications infrastructure and access to the country's lush biodiversity — a potential source of new drugs and other useful products.

But even after its launch, it was hard to obtain concrete details about the BioValley. Aside from the plans drawn up by famed Japanese architect Kisho Kurokawa, the project was shrouded in mystery. By now, the 80-hectare campus in Dengkil, south of Kuala Lumpur, should have been nearing completion. Instead, the site lies empty. And official documents reveal that, earlier this year, the BioValley quietly morphed into the BioNexus, a much less ambitious scheme comprising just one new institute in Dengkil, and two other 'centres of excellence' built around existing labs elsewhere.

All this is in marked contrast to developments in neighbouring Singapore, the city-state that nestles at the tip of peninsular Malaysia. There, a formidable biomedical research hub, the Biopolis, positively bustles with activity.

Problematic past
On the face of it, the disparity is puzzling. Singapore and Malaysia have much in common — their populations have a similar ethnic mix, both have governments with an authoritarian streak, and both see biotechnology as a springboard for future economic growth. Malaysia, in particular, wants to decrease its heavy reliance on the electronics industry and the production of palm oil.

But while Singapore has recognized that scientific success means aggressively recruiting top talent regardless of nationality, race or creed, Malaysia's biotech push has been hampered by a legacy of ethnic strife, its hands tied by an educational policy designed to favour its ethnic Malay majority.

The BioValley is just the most conspicuous feature in a landscape of failed effort. Elsewhere, flashy new labs remain largely unused, some of them led by people without proper scientific credentials. And in a culture in which criticism of authority is taboo, these problems don't look remotely near resolution. One senior political figure (who, like most of the people interviewed for this article, did not want his name mentioned) complains that the BioValley "was all about fancy buildings and real-estate development".

Mahathir and his acolytes seemed to assume that researchers would come pouring into shiny new centres bearing the label 'biotechnology'. It was a naive view, suggest foreign observers familiar with the Malaysian scientific scene. "With no history in biotechnology, and little industrial presence, the risk is very high," says Keiichi Kiyota, president of the Tokyo-based Nimura Genetics Solutions, one of very few foreign companies with research activities in Malaysia. "The greatest problem is the lack of manpower," he adds.

Given this dearth of talent, Malaysian science can ill afford the brain drain that sees many young scientists, particularly those from the nation's Chinese and Indian minorities, leave the country. It's easy to see why, given that the dice are loaded against them. "The 'Malays first' policy holds them back," says biochemist Barry Halliwell, who heads the National University of Singapore's graduate school. "It does Singapore a good favour, as many come here." Last year, for instance, 128 students with straight A grades were denied access to medical school in Malaysia, while less qualified candidates were accepted. The excluded students were all non-Malay.

The 'Malays first' policy has its origins in the race riots of 1969, which were sparked by the Malay majority's resentment of the Malaysian Chinese community's economic successes. Given the bitter memories of this conflict, some researchers back the policy of granting privileged opportunities to Malays. "Otherwise people would become second-class citizens in their own country and you'd have a time bomb on your hands," says Salleh Mohammed Nor, former director of the Forest Research Institute of Malaysia in Kepong, near Kuala Lumpur, and now president of the Malaysian Nature Society.

In the early 1970s, the government made a concerted effort to promote the interests of the Malay majority. In 1975, for example, the Malay language — Bahasa Malaysia — replaced English as the standard language of education. But critics say that this policy has damaged Malaysia's education system by failing to reward merit. "All vice-chancellors are appointed by the government without any kind of search committee," says one former University of Malaya researcher. "It's all favouritism."

Empty labs
Even when new labs have been built, they've failed to make much impact. The Technology Park Malaysia near Kuala Lumpur, for instance, hosts a government-sponsored institute that was supposed to act as a magnet for biotech companies. When Nature visited the two-year-old facility in late June, its high-performance liquid chromatography and mass spectrometry instruments lay idle — and only two research staff were present, huddled by a computer. Malaysia has unemployed graduates, but many don't have the requisite skills, including English ability, says an administrator at the park. "Good people go overseas," he adds.
This failure to embrace the international language of science is symptomatic of a general detachment of Malaysia's research system from the world scene. For most Malaysian researchers, publications in international peer-reviewed journals do not seem to be a priority. "People here don't seem to publish much, apart from in workshop and conference proceedings," says one visiting ecologist.

The country has also attracted few foreign researchers. Pay is low and there are few postdoctoral students to work with unless you bring your own. "There is nobody here who really understands what I am doing apart from my students," says a foreign researcher who is in Malaysia for family reasons. "People in my department are perpetually putting obstacles in my way."

Again, the contrast with Singapore is stark. Researchers there have high pay and high status, and the government has cast its net wide to bring in top scientific talent. Of the 35 principal investigators at the Institute of Molecular and Cell Biology, the country's premier research centre, only one is Singaporean. "If people have brains, I'll borrow them," declares Philip Yeo, who chairs A*STAR, the country's main science funding agency.

In theory, Malaysia's leaders recognize the need to emulate Singapore's hiring policies. In 1995, for instance, Mahathir initiated a five-year plan to recruit 5,000 foreign researchers a year. But the scheme attracted just 94 scientists, and 24 of them were returning Malaysians. By 2004, only one of these researchers remained in the country.

This pattern of setting and then failing to meet grandiose targets was common in the Mahathir era. So it should perhaps come as no surprise that the BioValley never made it off the drawing board. Its humbler successor — the BioNexus — is based around existing labs specializing in agricultural biotechnology, genomics and molecular biology. The single new centre will focus on pharmaceuticals and nutraceuticals.

The BioNexus is part of the national biotechnology policy that was unveiled in April this year, which is supposed to remedy previous failings. A new organization, the Malaysian Biotechnology Corporation, is chaired by Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and will provide tax breaks and matching grants to biotechnology companies. Its stated goal is to promote projects that can gain "international recognition".

This toned-down and yet outward-looking approach seems to be part of a more realistic framework of education and science policies now being introduced. In Penang, for instance, the local government is establishing a research base that would include contract research activities in animal toxicology — which may be of interest to foreign companies. "Tests are cheaper here and the animal-rights issues are not as prominent," says Penang's mayor, Koh Tsu Khoon, who recognizes that investment in people will be essential. "We are building on brains rather than buildings," he says.

Rewarding merit
The central government is also taking steps to introduce more fundamental reforms. In 2003, English became the language of school instruction in maths and the sciences. Private universities have also been allowed — and are now providing opportunities for ethnic Chinese and Indian students who feel discriminated against by the state system. These include the Malaysian branch of Monash University, based near Melbourne in Australia. And officially, the rigid quotas used to enforce the 'Malays first' policy in higher education have given way to a merit-based system for allocating state university places.

But without standardized state university entrance exams, some critics remain sceptical about the likelihood of real progress. Unless Malaysia is able to shed its legacy of ethnic favouritism, they are dubious about the nation's chances of competing with its neighbours in biotechnology. "Frankly, while the government funds mostly Malays, it won't happen," says one foreign scientist based in Malaysia. "The government is putting a lot of money into biotech but I doubt that anything will come of it. I see a lot of white elephants.


It is certainly very upsetting to see comments like these about Malaysia. It is great that the government is putting an effort to widen the pool of resources from within (whether it's fruitful is another issue), but nonetheless, no one can deny that the biasness and lack of transparency in the whole system is the root cause of the consequences we see today. Till then, we will always be lacking behind and lets just wish that brain drain won't happen.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Bermuda Triangle aka the Devil's Triangle

Bermuda Triangle, an area where ships and planes particularly often disappear mysteriously
(just like what happened in Pirates of the Carribean, nah, that's what my sister said)

Thought it's pretty an interesting phenomenom. Plenty information on the web and below are the two that I've read.

http://www.crystalinks.com/bermuda_triangle.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bermuda_Triangle

It's time to brush up my general knowledge. =p

Google Ads

Hehe. Smile first. =p

I've got google Ads on my page!!!! Hahaha. I know it's no big deal, but I'm just happy! Anything that requires approval means there's also a chance of getting rejection, so my philosophy (so called) is that so long you are approved in getting what you've asked for, you're one step forward, be it big or small step. That's an acheivement!

Now the next step is to get it rolling!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Cranberry Juice

Carnberry juice for UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). That's a piece of information from my soon to be doctor friend during one of our casual talk. And it is especially good for women as UTI is a common problem to women (Yes, we're having girl talk). Did a search on the internet and it says that Quality cranberry juice produces hippuric acid in the urine which acidifies the urine and prevents bacteria from sticking to the walls of the bladder. Look up also at this site for more information.

The point is that, it's good to have doctor friends as you do learn quite a bit from them. =p Wonder why I didn't choose to do a medical degree. Hmm.

NOTE: I shall not be held responsible for the accuracy of the information

Rebound Effect

Had a weird dream last night, and it's about you. Worst thing is that it upsets me! Grrrrr.

Have I been pushing myself a lil too hard not to think about you and now this is the rebound effect?

I've a strong urge to call you up and was rather glad that my sense of discipline has not disappeared . =p Good brain exercise though.

It's a battle within oneself.

Move on, move on, move on. I shall continue to hyptonize myself.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Now I know...

Now then I know...

It is the feeling of having someone around you,
The feeling of being hold,
Knowing that he will be there whenever you need him,
And when you smile and look back, he smiles back to you,
That I missed, terribly.

But, does it mean that you're replacable?
That I'll still feel the same as when you're around me?

Friday, June 22, 2007

My New Baby

I'm hooked to my new baby! Blogging is addictive!

Time consuming no doubt, yet it is satisfying. Well, I am not sure if it's to everyone, but at least it is to me. It has given me a lil sense of achievement (just a tad of it. =p), especially so when seeing the number of posts increases, then new features are being uploaded, and most importantly, I know how codes can be changed (not literally) for different things, and how I can create my own layout and template (well, of coz with lots of help from my lovely buddy, Sao Wen).

Have just included the 'counter' in my blog. I know, it's something really simple, but a computer idiot like me that have no exposure in this, and never knew how things are put together on a website, just can't not feel any better knowing I can actually do this! =p

I'm happy. Hehehe. Simplest thing like this makes my day!

And that's ME.

p/s: I've to get the twittee up too! And more links! and some blink blink stuff!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Just another day

Have been rather busy with my scholarship applications. Good thing though. At least it keeps my mind off you.

Friends have been askin, did I not have good sleep these days. Dark circle must be a little too obvious than it should be. I know I did sleep well, not having much disturbance, emotionally. Well, not that I can recall. Might just need a couple more days to get back in shape. I've a wedding to attend next weekend! How can I not look good?! =p

Sometimes I wonder, is it best to just let you slip off my memory, or should I allow myself to keep you at one corner, in my heart? I don't know. Well, maybe I do. I'm just afraid to think bout it further.

I guess, I'll prefer to keep myself busy at this point of time; mentally occupied (or maybe not, I'm still thinking about you while writing this, sigh, shall work harder). At least till the decision to leave is firmed.

Leeds. I will be there soon.

Monday, June 18, 2007

I'm happy today!

I'm happy today!

Friends, especially the ones that you have not talked to for a while are sooo lovely!

I can't help myself not to smile. Like this. =))) Hehehe.

Thank you, my old friend.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Congenital anomalies

'If you knew that your baby will have some form of birth defects after neonatal screening, be it mild or severe, would you consider to have the baby anyway or would you opt for abortion?'

Came across this question while watching one of the programme on TV. The host conducted a survey and not to my surprise, abortion seems to be the way to go for most people.

What touches me were the family that hold on to it. They have been brave! The struggle that they have to go through in bringing up the child is tremendous! Physically, mentally, monetorily and emotionally, they have to be strong. And the kids, they're all so young and innocent! One of the mum lost controls while speaking about her experience, and that captivates my heart! I was touched. Really touched. It's been difficult for her. Yet, she survives through it.

It's a great thing to realise how lucky we are, to live normally.

I'm pleased with what I have.

Family, you

Everything has been put aside. At least I thought so. What's more important than having your family with you?

But. Why? Why can't I get you out of my mind? Sigh.

Mum's asking how are we doing. She must have sensed something. I was surprised myself that I didn't burst out crying. Calmly, I told her our decision. The topic didn't last for long. Thanks mum! I knew I was about to hit my limit.

I'm thankful that I have a loving family that I could fall on whenever I need them, but, I just wish you could be in the picture too.

I must have been greedy. Family, career, and you. Is that a tad too much to have all?


Friday, June 15, 2007

Hope. Rekindled.

'I do believe I can handle it! No “QUIT” in my dictionary!'

Read it in Sow Boon's blog. And for a second, I was like 'hohoho, SB's really turning into a man, a real man!'

I've to admit that I was pleased. Knowing that the people around me are living in hope motivates me. And reminds me of what I'm capable of.

It is a good trigger.

My hope. Rekindled.

Hero. Destiny

Was watching Heroes, and the destiny business in the show makes me ponder a lil.

Destiny. Is there really one for everybody? Can it be re-written?

What is my destiny? Do I even have one?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Oh, Friends

Looking and reading through the comments and testimonials written by all my lovely friends ages back have put a BIG smile on my face. And I really mean B.I.G. smile. =)

It's great to immerse ourselves in the past, sometimes. For we all, at one time or another, look back to remember, to reassure ourselves.

Good old days! How could I possibly forget!

It was heartening and certainly comforting! Having shed so much tears these days, it's time to show some smile and my very unique-trademark-giggle to the stage, again!

Friends. You've done wonders! And I cannot help not saying that out loud! By just thinking back, has put a lump in my throat. Don't know why, I'm touched, and feeling all warm inside.

I'm really glad and grateful that I've met so many wonderful people in my life, and that will stay with me, forever. You know who you are. Wink.

'Me', have not changed! =)

What is right?

What's wrong with me these days?! Shouldn't have called. I must be more discipline. I can do that, can't I.

You seemed or rather sound irritated. Maybe not, I don't know anymore. I don't even know if thinking about you and sharing with you what's happening around me are the right thing to do. It feels as though I'm the only one who's trying to keep the string as tight and not let it falls. the other end is always loose. One straight line never meet. Is that what it is?

Has my hope been flushed down the drain?!

Or am I living in denial, that there's never any hope?

Dance with my father

Dance with my father - Luther Vandross.

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance

Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Ooh, ooh

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me I know

I’m prayin’ for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

My heart wrenched everytime I listen to this song. For a period of time, it actually brings tears to my eyes till the point I've to tell myself, it's only a song, to recover from such emotion turbulance. Sigh.,.

'If I could get another chance', how often do we get that? Even if we do, will it make a difference? I don't know. But I do wish to be given another chance.

If only.

Hope

'What did you have?' Simple as it is. and I like the sound of it when you said it. It feels like before and I'm close to you again. I can sleep in peace tonite.

Two years from now. Where will we be then? All I know is that I want us to be together, holding hands, no more separation.

Patient. I shall be. And stay happy.

The day will come. And you will say that in my ears.

That's my hope.

And I hope it's yours too.

My missing

I did not make the conversation as cheerful as I wanted it to be.

For I was far too optimistic in my assessment that I could be as calm, as natural when talking to you.

How many thousand times I've warned myself not to get invovle and just speak to you like how I always speak to my other friends. We're friends now after all. It should be the same, shouldnt' it.

Babyee, I miss you, so much! How I wish to say that into your ears. 'Not sure if I'll be able to handle it', you said. That breaks my heart knowing that you're too goin through the pain, and I wish I could give you a hug right away and everything will be back to where it started. My mind is running wild, again. I know that. It's not good. It's goin to drain me. And I've to stop it.

How am I goin to do this?

Choices

Choices. Life is all about choices. I guess I just have to stay focus from now on. When it is over, it doesnt mean that's the end. It is just another beginning. But is that true?!

It's time to leave behind all the emotions that bring me down all time, I said to myself (over and over again); It's perhaps time to look forward and be firm that my choice, is going to be fruitful.

Ambivalence. It is this that I fear.

When is this goin to end?

Alone. When did I start feeling so uncomfortable when I'm alone? Sigh. I'm being torn apart, that's where I'm at now. One side of me is saying, get up, move on, whereas the other side of me is pulling my legs and dragging me to the past. What a relationship can do to a person is massive! Never understand that till now. I guess the best lesson that I've learned is that I can now relate better to one's sorrows or happiness, and that should make me a more understanding person.

Never look back. It's so much easier to say then done.

I need to move on and get my life back, without him. I know it's all in me, it's all depending on me how much I am willing to let go.

When is this goin to end? Soon I hope.

Little Lamb Steamboat and the Loof

Wanted to get out of the house and not be sucked towards the black hole, again. I'm emotionally drained!

Song Hooi recommended this steamboat place at Bugis. According to him, this is one of the BEST that he'd tried so far. So in this warm Saturday evening, we went to the 'Little Lamb' steamboat restaurant at Bugis (Not too good an idea, steamboat and warm day, but what the heck). Btw, it's buffet style, with 20 bucks per person, you can order as many dishes as you like. We decided on the mixed soup based, herbal and the spicy hot soup. And then it's show time! 4 of us, and we ended up with more than 30 plates of meat, seafood, veges, mushrooms, balls, internal organs. It's really amazing that we managed to finish all of them, and poor Song Hooi needed to unbuckle his pants, well I mean the button on his pants, to feel better. =p Overall, the dinner was good, the meat and seafood were fresh, and I guess that's the key to having steamboat, and the pumpkin cake, Oh so yummy! Love it and thanks to Charis for donating hers to me. Then there's this dessert from Sze Chuan called 'jiu niang'. It's made from fermented rice, something different to try, one seep of it is OK, but I think I still perfer the western yogurt. Another thing that's pretty interesting was their 'fried milk'. So we decided to order one just to try. And guess what, it looks excatly like the spring role, the only difference is that instead of the spring role ingredients, it's MILK POWDER!

We're all so bloated, but at least satisfied, and since the night's still young, we decided to check out this bar called the LOOF, which is only 2 streets down the road. Al fresco concept, and it's on the rooftop of a building. Looks pretty cosy, and if you're lucky enough, you'll be able to get a seat with city view, or should I say, half of the city view. The couch, it could have been better if we're able to lean on it, or perhaps the concept is to have us sitting on a correct posture? The music, well, it really depends on individual. I personally still prefer what IndoChine at Boat Quay is offering. The drinks, within standard, at least my standard. =p Overall, it's a place that still is worth checking out, if you're looking for sth at the roof top and cool chicks. (To be honest, I felt a lil embaressed for dressing down, but well, we're having steamboat!)

Yet Another Day

It's exactly a week from where we've decided to split our ways. Heart is still hurting, so much, tear gland is still as active, or maybe overactive that it seems to be on action anytime, anywhere. When is this goin to end? I have been asking myself many times. I thought I'll be able to handle it, all I need is time. But I'm exhausted now! How long more could I take before I lie flat?

I never know that not being able to sleeep can be THAT torturing, but I do now. By the end of the day, all I want is just a peaceful sleeep. Nothing matters anymore when your system is not functioning well. Sooo tired and sleepy yet couldn't get into sleeep is a suffer, real suffer.

Prison Break II

Just finished season II of Prison break (Thanks Bernard for the CD). At least my thirst for it is satisfied. Hehe. Finally! Wonder if it's the situation I'm in now, or the plot has lost its steam, the adrenaline rush aint there no more. I can still remember how strong and quick my heart was beating while watching season I, how I got myself emotionally invovled with the highs and lows of the series, and how I stood up the nite just to finish up the whole season I. When he falls, I fall, when he's up and running, I feel I'm on the road too. I would say it is a great success.

Whats human nature? Is it different in every individual or is it the same to start with? It is great to see how each person behaves, acts towards certain things and I guess that's what touches me in this series.

There's a always a way out. No matter how much pain and hardship one has to go through, there's always light at the end of each tunnel. I wish to believe in this, and I wish to believe in faith. With no doubt.