Attitude

Angel is playing in the background. The room is only litted with candle light. Orange. It's a soft night of tranquility. Disposition from emotion.

Tugged in bed. I am in thoughts.

'Treat others as you would like to be treated'. I was asked the other day by Rosie on how and what do I feel towards it. Strongly agree? Indifferrent? As much as I am for it, I've found myself doing otherwise, towards this one person.

I want to pull a smile, but my face just doesnt do it. Not even for the sake of faking one. Coldness, an emotion I'm not very familiar with myself, he has it all. that side of me. If 10 degrees is what I have, I'm giving him all. And the situation never change, it's like there's this thing already programmed into my brain, every time he appears, the radar senses it, 30 degrees will decrease down to 10 degrees immediately. Its not even in gradient mode. Its a drastic drop, and the cycle repeats.

Its kinda strange. We both know whats goin on and yet it's repeating itself again and again. He'll be askin the same kinda questions (all angellic) and I'll be telling him off (very mean and evil) and feel bad after. Feeling bad is all it is, I'm not exactly trying to fix it, somehow. So there comes the point, I would rather let the cycle repeats than mending it. and come up with some excuses to justify my not-so-pleasant-attitude like if he doesnt annoy me then I wont behave that way.

I would be very upset if someone were to treat me this way, yet I'm doin it now. It's becoming a reflex action I'm afraid. A targeted one.

Cut it or lose it. I'm still thinking.