Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I want to kick you in the ass!

Stupid Stupid Stupid!!!

It's only an address eh. Very difficult to give is it! Speak so nicely and politely to you don want to give, must made me into a rude person then only give. Grrr. Somemore made me feel soooo unappreciated. I'm giving you something eh, with all my heart, how could you splashed me with cold water and made my tears welled up, just.like.this!

Where can like that. Tell me, where can like that! Made me soo grrrrr somemore dare to show me that face. Kla. I admit that face was cute, made me grinned for a while, but still, I'm soooooooo goin to poke many many many many many many many holes to that thing I'm giving you. Hmph!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

So unrealistic but can I

Watching the series. There's this part of me still living in my own fantasy world I'm not willing to let go.

Can I tell you that I want to do this tip-toed thing to kiss you.

Special

It's so terribly true that people just want to be special. Everyone likes to be the special one in the eye of the other. Even it's jus a wee bit more, thats enough to make the person feels good. So don't lie and say you don't give a hoot.

Inclusion. Thats what it is!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Sweet Wonderland

There're bananas, longan, oranges, strawberries, and something else I don't remember now on the tree. A tree. A huge giant tree so tall with all kinds of fruits hanging there, with me havin fun picking them one by one.

I like how fairytale-like this tree was. Funny dream. If only we could have different combinations of fruits growing on one tree.

*Grin*

I can still taste the sweetness on my lips.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Ikan Bakar

That is sooooooo funny laaaa. Ikan bakar. Gawd! My first laughing dose of the day. Thanks mate! I supposed I can get back to my work now, having almost dozed off.

Just wondering thou, is wittiness an intrinsic property or extrinsic? Nvm. I'm in my 'why' universe again.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's actually a pointless post

Some twat (I'm just goin to be mean now) commented that my usage of 'broken wing' is GRAMMATICALLY (i was like grammatically? what grammer are you talkin bout?) incorrect. Tell me, whats wrong with this sentence - an angel with a broken wing is still an angel. Seriously, I'm willing to hear your opinions and corrections, if this is not right. All eyes and ears open. But please don jus shove it off with 'oh, I cant teach you, you never listen to other ppl and you're only living in your own world, hahaha'. WTF?

It's not even funny.

There're actually more of it which led to this whole I cant teach you biz, which I don't think I'm goin to dwell into. No point. Yea, why bother. it's actually kinda pointless to write it down come to think of it now. But HELLO?!! shouldnt accusation come with some sorta evidence? I aint no people-pleaser, but I'm pretty damn sure I have not forced anyone, whoever you refering to into doin something he/she doesnt want but I want. Dang!

And why do people like spreading rumours?!!! Don't you find it disgusting to stick your nose into other's ass? I have nice ass, but I dont think I like your nose!

Phieww! I shan't be disturbed.

Btw, is 'I'm an answer short' structurally incorrect?

Monday, April 21, 2008

I bought it finally!

When I said I'm goin to buy myself a pair of dumbbell nobody believed me. Stupid mun or was it SW or maybe my brother somemore laughed at me as if I'm talkin alien. Hmph!

I know I dont do much exercise but at least give some encouragement wei.

Anyways, tell you, I'm sooo goin to have a nicely toned arm now! Hehehe. See see my newly bought dumbbell set!!! They look very toyish and fake and toyish la I know, only 10 pounds, what to expect, but thats not the point isnt. The point is, they are still a dumbbell, somemore a colourful dumbbell weigh 0.5, 1 and 1.5kg each. The pink one is cute rite. hehe.

Flabby arms is goin away soon. Hohoho.


Saturday, April 19, 2008

The swirl

Stirred. Heat and cool. The rate of agitation is increasing, mechanism unknown.

There, can you see it. The orange swirl you have jus created in me. so ferociously. space invasion. 60 seconds. I'm all sucked in. No escape. It's so intense I can feel my skin is turning red. There's more than dancing in my heart. Electrifying.

why do you have to still look so like you? Dang!

Not enough

I'm not trying hard enough. Is that how I made you feel?

Why must one sacrifice all the other kinda life just to get one thing right? Why is alternative not an alternative to you? Easy way out, is that the only thing in your mind? I'm taking an easy way out?! Why not try thinking that it's part of the planning process - time is the limiting factor and shouldnt that be the first thing to work on - options that gives you result in the shortest time wins, losing out on the 'maybe-best' hurts, but isn't that what this is all bout, win some lose some.

Bearing needs adjustment.

We are angel

Every girl is an angel, when she had her first drop of tear, God will take away her wings. So if ever a girl drops a tear for you, that means she's giving up the heaven for you.

Hmm. why is the english version of this sentence isn't as beautiful as the chinese version?

Anywhich way, I still like how it sounds. =)

We're the angels. Guys!

Can I tell you that.

The answer is...

The answer is, dont know where to start anymore. Writing is just the same as everything else. Once you stop doin it, it will take a while to get that whole 'writing gist' back. That means, I'm goin to be random and slur my words now.

Made a b'day card the other day for Lucie. Erm, not really feeling very proud of it, I need more raw mat, but I liked that pair of earings I gave her. Thought of keeping it to myself in the first place. Hehehe. Kla. Actually I kinda like the card that I made, coz it's made with the most precious thing in the world one can ever get - my heart. =p

And I want to make a nice one for ya in months to come.

and I didn't know that I can upload several pics at one time till today, this moment, after I decided to click on that add another image button just to see what does it do. Was it there before? Stupid me.



Say, the earing is pretty! and the card too!

And I don't understand why guys like to keep their finger nails long, especially the one on the last finger. Does it really make it easier to prick the nose?

I feel kinda deprived. Do I really love myself more than others? Maybe. Definitely Maybe.

This is a mess! I think I better go to bed before I start writing nonsense.

Tangled. I need to untangle the thread.

Dismissed.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The question is...

So what's the consequence of not writing for a while?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Dance...

The dance last night. I wanted to talk bout it. But I dont know where to start, its gone a bit vague now. I don't even remember his face.

I closed my eyes, and there were the beats, the laughters, the joy and, his hand. Swaying; left and right to the music; he's good, in leading. Funny too. His hands on my waist and mine on his. closed body contact, I can smell his cologne. Uninhibited.

Lifted up by him. I liked the full round circles, he has strong arms. I've lost count on how many circles we did, all I remember was my head's spinning and heart pounding. Finally, I'd both my feet on the wooden floor, relaxing in his arms, again we swayed to the music, apart den back close...

Friday, April 11, 2008

Weight Gain

I'm actually quite happy now, with the weighing machine. hahaha. I've finally gained 1kg!! 1kg eh!! after almost 10 months of eating hard! hohoho.

and so with that, comes the camwhoring session. lalala. I shall be vain now. =p Havent done any camwhoring for donkey years and you wouldn't want to know how many pics I've taken. All I can say is that, camwhoring is addictive. Sao Wen do you not agree? =p I wont put up all the pics to make you addicted to my pretty pics, don worry.


Take 1. Thought I wanted to look a bit more 'attitude-ish'. Watever.

K. I admit. Its a bit stupid to smile for nothing, but thats the point. no? I shall keep the rest inside my closet.

p/s: btw, I've done another session the next day. hahaha.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Brokenness

And brokenness is not necessarily a bad thing. It gives you room to open your eyes, to fix things, to shine, to stretch your potentials. And, to see your trueself.

No. I'm not any closer to the life of brokenness. I'm just staring at the word, trying to understand what it means.

What is good?

What is good? and what is bad? Similarly, what's right? and what's wrong?

It's considered a good deed because it fits your definition?

Affinity

It's all 'bout affinity.

Interaction - thats what brings us together and tears us apart.

The receptor theory works for all, not only on the molecular level. We're the ligand, we are also the receptor.

Biasness as we called it, is just the result of difference in affinity.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

That same ol' shitty junks

Did you hear me? you did didnt you? thats why you're sent to put a smile on my face.

Jus when I thought that lil place we shared in the past is left locked. dusted. you revisited it, in the most unexpected and loviest of ways.

That same ol' shitty junks. why you immitate what I said and made me giggle? den the next second made my eyes watery for all the memories, the cravings, the missing I pretended I've forgotten. why you purposely said the name I don like and made fun of it somemore? why you made me said stupid to you the same way I used to say?

I don want to close the box because once I do that, you'll be gone. There's a buzz between the clicks. I smiled and you smiled.

There're mugs of motivation in there, that you didn't realise you've just instilled in me.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Contradiction

Tonight is one of those nites, of craving for company but when there is one, you want it out nite.

Contradicting, I know.

Things are different now. for a long time. Its no longer a click away, a phone call away. There is this quiet kinda loneliness lingering around. Music doesnt work. Disconnected.

Today is a gift, the reason why it's call 'the present'. But I'm tired. I'm getting tired.

Is this what it is, moving on? Is this what it is..forgetting.

p/s: I was quite happy this morning when I saw the tree outside my window is budding, sign of living.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Attitude

Angel is playing in the background. The room is only litted with candle light. Orange. It's a soft night of tranquility. Disposition from emotion.

Tugged in bed. I am in thoughts.

'Treat others as you would like to be treated'. I was asked the other day by Rosie on how and what do I feel towards it. Strongly agree? Indifferrent? As much as I am for it, I've found myself doing otherwise, towards this one person.

I want to pull a smile, but my face just doesnt do it. Not even for the sake of faking one. Coldness, an emotion I'm not very familiar with myself, he has it all. that side of me. If 10 degrees is what I have, I'm giving him all. And the situation never change, it's like there's this thing already programmed into my brain, every time he appears, the radar senses it, 30 degrees will decrease down to 10 degrees immediately. Its not even in gradient mode. Its a drastic drop, and the cycle repeats.

Its kinda strange. We both know whats goin on and yet it's repeating itself again and again. He'll be askin the same kinda questions (all angellic) and I'll be telling him off (very mean and evil) and feel bad after. Feeling bad is all it is, I'm not exactly trying to fix it, somehow. So there comes the point, I would rather let the cycle repeats than mending it. and come up with some excuses to justify my not-so-pleasant-attitude like if he doesnt annoy me then I wont behave that way.

I would be very upset if someone were to treat me this way, yet I'm doin it now. It's becoming a reflex action I'm afraid. A targeted one.

Cut it or lose it. I'm still thinking.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

I'm out of title

I just want those moments, those thoughts, those painting on the scrapbook to be remembered.

12am today. The reasons for starting this 'me' thing June last year still remain unchanged. I shall not forget to remember. And the reasons why I am here.

Stay the same.

Be focus.

I like the way it serves as a reminder.

It's only through writing, it would endure.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Reality is

It's an extremely busy week with the lab. and am loaded with complaints. and frustrations. and a bit of cynical laughters in between. Gosh!

Just today, for a good whole one hour, we're thrashing and bashing the course, the research, the lecturers, the department, for how unstructured and unorganised they are and how cheated we feel by the claim that Chemical Eng in Leeds is excellent! Please make that a past tense if this is how things are goin to be.

Teaching here aint up to standard, for this course at least. It should have been better. What do you feel when someone who doesnt know much bout the stuff gives the lectures and confuses you even more when he/she tries to explain, worse is that more often you are the one who correct him/her? Whats the point of attending lectures of such? Isnt know-your-stuff-well the first principle in teaching? I aint expecting to be spoon fed, but at least convince us with your knowledge, yea?!

I'm also very disappointed with how this course is coordinated. Especially the laboratory work. Sigh. The prac class was the worst I've attended so far in my life. So we had a prac class, instead of having all the basic apparatus to be available to the students to carry out the test before the class, what awaiting was we'd to SEARCH for every single thing we need as nothing was ready and available. We couldnt even extract the results coz theres no USB port, and theres no floopy disc available, we're then told the results will be given to us later after the other group has done their test so they can give us the one which is better? What is this?!!

And the feedback issue.

But I'm cool now, found a few buddies who share the same thoughts to spit the junks outta me. I'll explode otherwise. Thanks mates!

So welcome to SPEME of Leeds Uni. NOT.

Dissolution

I had a dream this morning, just before I woke up to the sunlight. It's a weird dream.

It goes from the molecular stoichiometry, the white powder, the dissolution studies-I've difficulty in getting the right set up there *curse*, to suddenly cuddling in bed with him. I don't recall now how it ended up that way, the studies didn't even get to the end, it would be nice to know if I've fixed the problem in the dream and so I can repeat the same today in the lab. its funny.

In it was the white soft cover, and we kissed. The room smelled citrus, the scent I like, and we lied side by side, he had his hands brushing and stroking my hair, running all over me; that, was the most gentle loving touch. Soothing. Dissolving. I sighed for a relief, for the familiar tingly sensation started within me.

The phone rang. for him. He had friends?! A friend with a name I havent heard of but it came up just so naturally. Vivien she was. I vaguely remember now. I don't know how the dream ended. I was awaken then, back in the world of living, pink cover, alone.

Dream, is magical.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

What date is today?

This guy is seriously brilliant! and I'm soooo dumb, to even believe and havin my pen ready to jot down his email address for future use before the whole site's gone (well, I dont know if he'll like to keep it but just incase) den realise he's pulling a prank on us only when the commenters spelled it all out for me. Today's April Fool!

@#$%^(!@#+!!

I can't believe I'm so slow at this. Such a big hint of what date is today very obviously written at the bottom of the page yet I still didn't get it. And guess what I was thinking, I was thinking what's the matter with this guy today asking bout the date. Now I know. Why am I so gullible?!