Pause, and ponder

That chain of reaction.

Reading the post, brings my memory back on how I'd responded when my friend told me his mum's just passed away. I was helpless myself too, not knowing what to say at that point in time, not knowing how and what should/can I do. Stupidly, I asked the same question as how Nicole did, 'are you OK?' And after that, there's an uncomfortable pause between the conversation. Should I remain silent? Should I say, don't worry, everything is goin to fine? Should I talk about sth unrelated to distract him? Should I sound cheeky so to not further dampen his mood? But, nothing sounds rite.

It's part of the life, we all know. But, that emotional torture one has to go through, is painful, piercingly painful. And it eats you away. It's way too much to be taken on by oneself and shoulder it without support. I would have collapsed. I couldn't even bear that sudden hit of sadness jus thinkin if I were in his shoes. I don't like the 'if' now.

Seeing dad's slowly turning greysih hair and ageing skins everytime I'm home, had never failed to bring a lump to my throat. What have I achieved thus far? Why am I still depending on them sooo much to move on with my life? Why have I not been able to lighten their burden? Why have I not been able to say to them, it's time to retire and enjoy your life now? Why have I not showed my full potential and make them proud? Why am I still making them worry for me? Why have I never made enough effort to spend more time with them when I can? Why have I been taking things for granted as though I have awful lot of time?

I ain't no superwoman, let me have the blessing to get closer to the door of success. I want to see only smiles and no frowns in my parent's face; I want to see them relax and do what they want to do instead of running up and down to satisfy our needs; I want to bring out the best of myself in return of their endless unconditional love and support. I want to provide them with the luxury to go on holidays whenever they feel like with no constraints. I want to be able to provide supports, in any form should the needs arise, rather than being a parasite.

It's love, that makes one a better man.

This is a tie that will never break. It's neither replacable.